It was bad enough that I chose a distasteful gay movie to watch, it was way too flamboyant. Not at all classy and stylish like the majority of gay men are. The Producers was painstakingly awful. After the movie, Ham had to put up with Mun Fye and me throughout the night. Whenever the two of us are put together, we lose all common sense and universal decency.
So see, we were talking about fairy tales this time:
*warning: story is in a form of a conversation. really sohai.
That sohai prince is damn 7 sohai, so many princesses in the world he want to choose the one he has to fight the chibai dragon for. She’s been sleeping for 100 years right? Mahai her mouth must be fucknig smelly, some more wanna go kiss her! Fucking sohai. And she had her cibai fairy godmothers right? Three of them! But not one could tapau the stupid witch. The witch made up some haiyan wall of thorns right?
It was a jungle of thorns la. Then the prince cham kau all the vines down.
Oh okay. Bloody hell, come up with a better story la. Damn lan sohai.
I’m just annoyed at the fact that in all fairy tales, it’s a hero who saves. Not a heroine. It gives young girls all over the world false hope that generally, a man does the saving. I mean, compared to a girl. But then again, it’s a fairy tale. Certified fiction. Or wait, they could have lesbian fairy tales. Ew, sendiri maju salah jalan sorry
We can come up with a better story la. See, The king and queen are stoners you know. And the witch is actually their supplier. Then dunno why one day they had a fall out. So the witch swore revenge on their daughter who was born with bad breath. She cursed the princess, her breath will only smell good if she smokes weed.
And the prince’s name is Purple Haze! Instead of a jungle of thorns, it’s a whole jungle of weed! And he cham them down and smoked it till he was super powerful and tapau the witch!
You damn simple-minded. Actually, the jungle of thorns in the witch’s “hai mou” (pubic hair) and she told the prince that if he wants to save his princess, he has to penetrate through her “jungle”.
Chibai horny bitch, er witch.
Yup and so he did and he ran to the princess but she couldn’t wake up! You know why?
Someone spiked her with E!
Correct! So then what did he do to save her?
Force her to snort K! Then she started to trip and saw her lovely prince in a million heroic facets and she wakes up and marries him. Hah, two eternal stoners were born.
But one day the princess got a bad batch of weed.
Yeah, the pee-smell ones!
Ya so she got a shitty high and decided to walk it off in the forest. But then she met seven elfin stoners!
Yeah and instead of mining for diamonds, they grow dope! Acres and acres of dope.
*pauses to fantasize*
So she moved in with them and became their bitch. And her husband forgot about her and married the witch who was disguised as some leng lui. You know la, a lot of girls who looks good but their insides all black but still wanna act like they danm “all that”? Ahhh those!! Then the witch of course jealous la, its better to have a good heart right. *HAHAHAH* So she set out to kill Snow Bitch.
She made an apple bong!! And stuffed the cone full with poison ivy! And Snow Bitch of course, stupidly, as we all are when it comes to good shit, smoked it! Popcorn-ed it some more! And then she overdosed, on what we don’t know yet.
The prince found out and got angry. He took a whole bucket of that water from ice bongs? Whatever they are la, heard its toxic and the threw it over the witch and she went “I’m meltingggggggg.”
And she mampus and the prince took out his personal bong, inhaled and exhaled the smoke into the princess' mouth, stoner CPR, and princess woke up with good smelling breath and they lived happily ever after on a strip of happy5 each a day.
WE ARE TERRIBLE.
It was supposed to be twisted fairy tales but it ended up The Chronicles of the Druggies.
Next thing you know we’ll be filming the Memoirs of the Pei-Ka ;P