Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Fiona Abigail, I'm here for you.

I stepped onto the campus grounds, perplexed. The buildings were worn out, beaten down by the sun and rain. There were only 6 showers on each floor without water heaters, it was a single shower head sticking out of the wall. The rooms were as small as a prison cells, 3 steps max and you’re on the other side of the room. Everything gave off a gloomy vibe, including me. I sulked and walked toward my first class, Psychology. Though I go home to PJ every weekend, the weekdays were still torture for me. The walk to class is at least 15 minutes under the scorching sun and there was no place really that you were allowed to smoke so the rebel in me had to emerge and I was seen smoking everywhere.

Anyway, I made 3 friends in that class at first, Tim, Andre and Jia (on the left). We were all new and none of us really fit in with the rest of the school’s population. Tim’s take on this is take because we’re both tattooed, everyone avoids our path. Andre is the only white boy in school and he’s kind of an airhead so that’s scary too. Jia however is kinda lost because he was the quietest around us, unless he’s drunk and he didn’t really speak to anyone either. The three of them made dorm life a little more bearable. After a week or two, I made friends with the other girls, the first one being Fiona. Fiona lived one floor below mine so we’d walk to class with the boys. After a month or two I started to feel more at ease living on campus, it was a quiet peaceful lifestyle that I quite liked. Still, “Camp Isolation” would get to me from time to time and hence the weekly visits from Rachel, Arthur, Alex and whoever else that was willing to visit me behind those walls or take me back to civilization for a night or two.

Fiona was a steadfast friend. She was also very accommodating, she obliged MOST of my insane ideas to climb trees and once I almost convinced her to swim in the school pool after midnight in our underwear. She gave me more girl friends whom I treasure very much even till today. Soo Yun was over-protective and was always reprimanding us when we got out of hand (like the time I smoked G everyday at the basketball court) while Nelly was always up to no good, the mischief queen who loves to flirt and loves even more the attention from any male. Living on campus we were like a family, we had every meal together, baths together (in separate cubicles -_-), copying homework from each other and cramming for our exams in the library. Eventually my bad habit started to grow on them, and we’d go clubbing together. I introduced them to the usual people I was with and I wouldn’t say they got along instantly but everyone liked each other.

So you can imagine my dismay to get a call from Soo Yun late one night, my distress to hear sorrow in her voice, the alarm to hear that Fiona was ill, and the misery to find out that Fiona has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Imagine how my heart sank when I was told she would have to undergo chemo immediately. Imagine my fury and rage when I did some calculations and talked to some people to find out that her condition would not have reached this stage if a year ago, the fucking stupid and useless doctors at putrajaya would have taken a closer look and figured out that the piece of her thyroid they had removed then was malignant. I am furious.

Please pray for her.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Over the range?

The past few days has been awkward and uncomfortable for me, I’m not sure where I am. The nights where I’ve spent staring into empty streets with blinding streetlights are back to worry my shadows. I look away and felt something on my face; I reach up to find that my fingers are wet. Carrying a grudge is the heaviest load. How many second glances am I allowed, after the many looks behind my shoulders, they are finally slumped in exhaustion.

Rachel is leaving in a few hours. My world feels a little heavier, the two vessels I seek refuge in, and unload my hurting delusions, has finally left me behind (guilt-trip intended). The halo and the pitchfork, the crazywoman and psychobitch (you two can fight over this one, the latter is a much coveted title I know).

I miss you both: It’ll be alright, we’ll be home tonight, I’m coming back home. Is the home really where the heart is? If it is, Stel has divided and is about to conquer certain hotspots of Perth and the quieter areas of Melbourne.


Ever since Pek San bought his Ipod I've been allowed entry into his playlists. I know every song that he has. With Rachel's I was a little more comfortable as half of our songs are usually the same but the other half vividly different. Her acoustics and my live rock. She has less of the hip hop which Pek San and I share.

Anyway it got around to me thinking about my own collection of music. I have always felt violated when someone opens my 'Bleach' CD cover and looked into the booklet and read what i've written in them over the years. The file which I'd cut out pictures and icons from CD covers to glue onto it like a collage.. I feel uncomfortable whenever any one as much as glance at it.

I guess its because my music is my secret indulgence, like a forbidden love. On the other hand it could be all the Mr.Goey's tuition classes I've skipped to use the money on CDs every fortnight in Victoria Music. So it could be, an indirect guilt trip o_O

'You bought a new bag of pot, said let's roast a new start and that's the way to my heart' -Spoon.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Don't forget about us.

Just let it die
With no goodbyes
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes it'd be like that baby

Now everytime I see you I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best

There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter who you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret it.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Mel is leaving, I am dying.

my wish has been granted. Melanie is levcvong to gol to perth. Byer. mel. meow.l meowl ham ham ham then tiger has been tranqyaulzidjhniuorhvhjio. The last cigarette/.

Arthur: oncer upin A time, there lived a "fearl.ess" female by the name of meow meow.
Fye: And then he saw a land of oppportunity e4

Whatever that was. We Are Crazy. Rachel. Melanie. Stella.
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
and hung me on a line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you
Maybe I'm a girl and maybe I'm a lonely girl
who's in the middle of something
that she doesn't really understand
Maybe I'm a girl and maybe you're the only man
who could ever help me
Baby, won't you help me understand
Maybe I'm a girl and maybe I'm a lonely girl
who's in the middle of something
that she doesn't really understand
Maybe I'm a girl and maybe you're the only man
who could ever help me
Baby, won't you help me understand
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song
Right me when I'm wrong
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you dk==fucked

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Swiss Orange Cheesecake.

This post is in hopes of rekindling my appetite, as well as yours.

Rachel the apprentice, Yankee the Sifu of Cordon Bleu Sydney and Loong his real student. Rachel isn't :D

*Flap flap flap*
Cool machinery.
She got tattoo of stars! I also have! But it's just erm one star hm..it's blue and green though!

Watch the pro. Acting pro.. :P

Damn yeng lor his toolbox. Ppl got "ka-chang" inside he got baknig utensils. What a man!

She's got clouds in her hands.

Boiling the orange/sugar.

Looks like heaven right. The fridge.

Art that's a cake, not a cone. HAHHAHAH.

YUM! The best part. Eating the damn cake. Yum yum yum yum.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Butterfly Effect.

Maybe the car crash was an alternate and sick form of a meteor shower. I should now qualify to be on the Wall of Weird. Such drastic changes don’t happen this way.
Back then someone told me “This punk and skate chapter you’re in, this rebellion, the refusal to be like the other kids, the radical stances, is all really just a phase you will outgrow.”
I was awfully defensive, even though I needn’t be at the time. My actions were deafening.

My mouth had a brackish film while I spat more glass splinters out of my mouth. Pain shot up my right leg, my right hand, and ricochets’, vibrating to all points over my scalp, like one of William Tell’s shot apples. I looked at my right hand and saw that it was wedged in between the steering wheel and foreign-looking metal parts which were
obviously out of place as I'd hit several trees sideways. I had no choice, I had to yank my hand out hard and fast. I felt my flesh rip a little. Crack, the glass hits my face and arms. But the evil of that madness which led to evil substances has eventually led me to some of the best things, or if I may be more honest, best alliances of my life.

Elle and Perry.
There are a few times in life where the relative merit of a friend skyrockets and in turn has me looking up to them in respect and esteem. Elle has shown me compassion without having me compromise anything that I am and I have grown to want to be more like she is as I mature a little every now and then. Perry has successfully proved to me that wit and intelligence is generally maintained by buoyancy. In his own way he has taught me resilience. It was one of those lessons that made perfect sense in some respects, but was completely bewildering in others. As far as seething melting pots of deference and love go, Elle and Perry are solid. I look up to them in so many ways and I can’t imagine how life would have turned if I had not met them. They may not have made direct modifications in my life, but the standards are set a little higher because seated close to them, hope is burning a little brighter. And through their friendship, another sort of "ship" came into view.

You know, the circumstances that brought him and me together could have been torn from the pages of a teen love book, somewhat typical. But the jolts of happiness in my bones and bounce in my steps got me thinking this isn’t conventional at all. In fact, I’m quite sure this is something very new to me and my heart skips along as the seconds pass.


Metaphorically speaking, Pek San can be quite a wank but I love him to death and he will be home soon. Yay for The Return Of The Chigger, my beloved godbrother who will shower me with gifts upon his return.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Cheong Hei.

It all began on the 26th, I went for dinner at Ka Soh with the rest of the gang. I’ve been looking forward to it for a while because I’d be meeting some interesting people for the first time. The food was good and the Lou Sang even better. We made a mess. I’m hoping that would mean that the year ahead would be chaotic and muddled (for me), so much so that I wouldn’t have time to stop and wonder where I’m headed.
Quite ganas. I like. Tyler and Aran were taking the pictures.
Didn't think people as innocent looking as the ones above could be violent "lou-sangers" did you? If that's not a word, I just coined it. You can quote me on that. Muahaha.

This two then maybe-la. OR..
The three unofficial "setanz" of the night? Cannot be. Look at us, aunty there sipping her tea.

In the car on the way, after Tyler had picked Mel and I up, I had an asthma attack which I tried anxiously to relieve. It probably sounded like I was hyperventilating in the backseat. By myself.

We got there and I chugged down as much Chinese tea as I could throughout the dinner. I definitely had a great time despite the agony of breathing. Chatting about nothing in particular to a whole table of people with wit and cleverness is somewhat rare, especially with numerous inside jokes going haywire around the table. At one point, Joey was so extremely comical (although accidental it seems) I laughed so hard I choked. And then I starting coughing whilst laughing, it hurt like a bitch but I realized that this fusion was a lot like life.

After dinner we had a picture taken outside of the restaurant. Whee, vibrant isn’t it. I had intentionally worn an orange shirt to match the plushie that Elle got me. The same orange shirt which my mom said made my arms look twice its size -_-

As we were about to head to our cars, the usual suspects caught each other’s eyes and STP said “Oh no, not tonight.” But the devils were victorious, aren’t we on earth after all. All in all in the past 5 days we visited Jurassic Park for 3 nights, 2 of which were consecutive. The devils switched sides, on the 2nd day STP voiced out her urge for another night. For a split second I thought she was joking, I waited to respond in case she was just teasing and testing rest of us. I waited for the “You guys are terribleeee” but then I caught the glint in her eye. So it was on. The 3rd night however, Aunty Bubbly requested a visit which we quite quickly hehe bought tickets and made necessary arrangements. Aunty Bubbly handled the entertainment bit, I lovedddd her cover of "My Humps".

Of course since Chinese New Year came around we had typical activities which previously, I have to admit, would have been unconventional for us. Elle and Perry picked me up and we went to visit her parents, her grandma and her 2 dogs. You know how I’m usually petrified of dogs? Not Peachy and Tiger. I warmed up to them immediately, didn’t even flinch when Peachy leaped up at me. Woohoo! Quite shiok. We had the best tiny mandarin oranges ever, they were surprisingly sweet and I’ve been craving for them ever since. *hint hint. Hahahaha.

Yesterday Tyler, Elle and Perry came over to my place. After lunch I put on 24, Season 2. One episode and the boys are hooked. Muahahaha. Today, I got to see close friends whom I haven’t seen for a long time and it really made this CNY worthwhile. Edmond and I went for a drink and then back to my house where Pearly and Kevin were also here. Though at home I didn’t get to speak to Edmond much, my dad was hogging him. They were discussing gym business tactics and theories and I had no interest whatsoever to take part in that conversation so I focused on my youngest sister Esther cracking jokes at my expense to Pearly and Kevin. When your 8 year old sister tells jokes about you that could shut you up, you know you’re getting enough attention at home. Spotlight!

Elle, Perry, Tyler and I planned a steamboat which happened earlier tonight. I brought Pearly and Kevin along and another friend Andre came a little later. Tom Yum broth and seafood. Wahlau, I ate till I couldn’t move. Felt close to being in the K-Hole. Gotta blame it on lunch too, I had buffet at Shogun. I overdosed on food today.

Now I’m home..watered and fed. An hour ago I had another asthma attack. I went around looking for my stupid heavy liquid inhaler and couldn’t find it. I walked downstairs, hoping it’d be in the medicine cabinet. I came back up and I’m seated here with my laptop and 2 containers of cookies instead. See, lesson learnt from today’s post. Something as fucked up as an asthma attack could lead to beautiful things. Like this peanut cookie I’m about to devour.