Friday, November 25, 2005

Lean back, le- oops.

I'm pretty sure there will be many entries about the eventful night last night at Zouk, the raid at Ghetto Heaven. Mel and I were on our way to the ladies when I got a msg from Kong "Got rush, get out now." Then Mel turned over and said "I think there's gonna be a raid, all the younger kids are rushing out." But we were both skeptical so we kept walking and then I got another msg from Tyler "Sweets, raid before 2am, letting you know in case you've been naughty." In about 15 minutes, the lights were on and the music off. Shucks, clever la..dowan to listen.

I quickly took Mel's hand and led her upstairs to use the staff entrance to the office. To no avail: cops were at that exit. So we sat down and put the digital cam to good use. Got a msg from Terence "There are cops at the DJ conslose, shit! Stay calm! I mean it, stay calm." Sheesh what makes people think I won't be calm. I was as cool as ice. I got msgs throughout the night along the lines of "Throw anything you have away. Seriously, no joke." -_- Dowan.

Mel and I got fed up of waiting so we went up to the narcotics (woohoo narcotics wei not funny hehe) and volunteered to have our urine tested so that we could get out. So we happily got tested and walked out. Wah, its like a party I tell you. Jourdang came in his shirt and bermudas to "check the scene out". Ah Heng was munching on his hot dog watching people get pummeled on the ground for trying to escape. What a reunion. KOF was pissed off, they didn't get to "drop it like it's hot." And Terry, drunk as he was, sprouting nonsense at the top of his lungs. Didn't help that I was the designated driver of the night.
I was laughing all night thinking of what Mel told me about another raid. Michelle was telling her that there were transexuals asking the police "Bang bang, saya pergi mana bang!" when they asked the crowd to split into men and women. They were all jittery, looking left and right, not sure where they belong. HAHAHAHA. I'm gonna burn in hell for this one.
Apparently there was a girl handcuffed and locked in one of the toilet cubicles for drug abuse o_O yerr..

Ladida.. we'll "ganti ghetto" this saturday at The Loft@Zouk :D

Monday, November 14, 2005

I'm tall. You're just taller than I am.

I'm trying to recall the past weeks. All I can gather are fragmented pieces of memories here and there and most of them seem to revolve around Zouk. I don't work there anymore, and that place is still a magnet *whoop whoop.

Although there was one Friday night where I wasn't on the dance floor, or anywhere near it, or anywhere where I could see it, at all. We were happily camping out in the DJ Room listening to Jason[DJ Fono] and I was bombarding Alvin[DJ Goldfish] with useful infomation (to me it is) on rock n' roll, heavy metal and punk because he asked, though he actually only asked a few I yakked away for more than half an hour. Then I moved on to annoying him with stupid questions which he answered while smothering giggles until..

[tripping]stel: eh eh then what inspired you to be a hip-hop dj?
*whips around, stares at me one kind
[sacarstic & sober]alvin: eh eh when did you become a journalist? whats this, an interview?
[tripping]stel: wahlau then dowan to ask lo! *sulks.

Elaine laughed. But I didn't appreciate it. They looked at each other and exchanged amused glances. I refuse to be treated like a kid.

Jie ar..I'm telling you, see I patiently layan you take all this crazy "kawaii (*shudders)" pictures all, you gotta try harder at bringing this bullying to a halt!

Like it isn't bad enough Terence[C] says "Kids nows-a-days..*sigh" every single time he sees me. He'll say it a few times on repeat some more, staring me down -_-

:: Look at this picture and tell me who's the kid.

After Zouk we went to Leonard[T]'s condo to chill and as usual, he wanted to take photos. Okay, take. But when he played it back he looked at it and said "Wah! Why is your head so small?? My head looks so big next to yours wei!" -_- Ever since then, every time we take pictures he'll "Ah your head gotta move forward a bit then both our heads will turn out the same size" o_O Really one, something wrong. Elaine again happily laugh along, whatever happened to sisterhood and all that huh you tell me?

Eve, Tyler, Elle, Perry, Jia Wei, Gerald and I were standing on the dinky-teeny 2-flight stair at the dance floor for John Digweed when a cam was whipped out and lo and behold, the unleashing of the camwhores. But someone quite "potong stim" lo. Cause to be able to capture an image with everyone's face in it (mine included), there are 3 options.
1. The photographer has to back up an extra 3 feet (at least) and so packed, where got space.
2. Everyone else but me, bend lower. But then they look ridiculous and vice versa.
3. I stand on the top stair and everyone else on the floor. (Thanks Jia Wei)


That's with with a 12-inch advantage okay. Stupid 6 footers.

Eve happily jumped on the "Stel-is-short-embarrass-her-with-photographic-evidence!" bandwagon.

Jason[DJ Fono] makes funny faces with/at me sometimes. That's okay. But pinching my cheeks isn't.

*Tada!* Hoe Yin[DJ Blink] I like. Cause we almost same height :P Nyahaha. Until, he said he sometimes feel like he's hanging out with his sister's crew (Hoe Yee) when I'm around. Just cause we used to make a lot of noise in the house and do..stupid..kiddy..things -_-

It's times like this I really miss the PD Rave where its:

Equal opportunity.

Mel&Jamie[The Twins] are the best!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Membrane & Ghetto Heaven.

I used to think I'm crazy, extremely crazy. I thought that if I even looked away for a few minutes, he would be gone. But I was right, he's gone. But he left even while I was peering over the treetops. I hovered somewhere on a spectrum between a painful state of anxiety and an even more painful state of despair.
Promises, people make them all the time. And then they break them, just as many times as they've made them. When you say to someone "I love you" you absolutely mean it at the time but things change. But the assumption is that they lied, but they didn't, they meant it at the time they just didn't know to what degree. Logically, I understood this and took it to heart.

But I can't accept this idea wholeheartedly, because it is simply spurious. When I was dealing with my unhappiness, I always had a bipartite understanding of what was happening to me. I felt that for me, personally, I was in Hell; my pain as acute as third degree cancer cells on a dying body. But I see, not look. I've read and revised books on the Holocaust, the children who suffered under the dictatorship of Pol Pot, people starving in Sudan- but there is no comparison to be made because you can only live your own experience and for me, my life was in pretty bad shape. I used to think I had perspective, that I could be onto anyone and not be a fool. But what if I still am living in my own bubble where I only live my own experience? I will never escape.
So I find I could never again completely succumb to anything remotely sturdy because the assurance itself would drive me crazy; I kept my eye on every next thing which could hurt, right down to a Ribena bottled drink. The potential a choice of beverage had to hurt, summarizes my whole problem; its pandemic. SoI let it all go, of all I've collected because I fell for someone whom I knew I could not read and that mystery kept me going, I was convinced it was a fairy-tale. Till I fell hard on my ass, with my heart on the ashphalt that I realized he was human too. Pain is an intrinsic part of our existence, we cause pain and experience pain from the moment of our birth and here and there, left or right, many of us die in pain.
Dr. Armand M. Nicholi Jr and I see eye to eye on this: that the awareness of our mortality causes pain because what we us humans need most is permanence and our most pervasive fear is separation from the ones we love. Which at the end of the day, is irony and contradiction tossed like a salad, callously and carelessly. So why analyse? Why weigh options? Why ask IF?

I do what I do, like remember the people around the world who holds the pieces of my heart while I dance every Thursday with some who can keep a smile on my face for the night because they fill the lacuna between who I am and who I want to be; between what I think and what I want to feel. Despite all the pain I'm speaking of, I have experienced freedom from them but so far they have been much too brief. Hence when I am completely free, it has to be absolute. And that leads to pre-conceived ideas and judgments made for me which unfortunately is unavoidable. So I guess what I am really trying to say is that, math and science cannot go hand in hand because all the calculations in the world cannot equate the biology of the human heart, the chemisty between two pulsating persons, nor the physics of the mind movement.

But I'd like to pay tribute to the 3 to 4 hours of any week where I have complete freedom without having Rachel or Melanie playing the tourniquet to my soul.
DJ Goldfish aka Alvin Teoh:
provides the beats to my "freedom"
and Jung, the movements.

From left: Gary, Kin, Stephen, Terry and Max. My sense of belonging.

And she who without with, none would be possible, LaineJie.

I realize I could be stretching it a little, but here's all honesty and therefore yes, I am not sober at this very moment.