Attitude.

Few things of late have reminded me of the good old times. Yes the erm “failed attempts at Veganism” phase of my life where ripped jeans, cds and skateboards were rice.

On the way home from Ellie’s last night Joey and I talked about the AIM Awards that he was at earlier on. Two of the music videos his company HueVisualab directed/designed (er??), Ahli Fiqir’s “Angguk-angguk Geleng-geleng” and that Love Me Butch’s song which I don’t know the name of were nominated for Best Video.

To be honest, I was pretty damn surprised to find out that neither won the title.

Anyway, Joey was telling me about how much he liked the concept of Angguk-angguk gelang-gelang when they first proposed their idea to him, that Malaysians are relentlessly (although they would never admit it) bowing to the West. I’m not saying I’m not one of them, but I think it’s a little different that I romanticize the America thirty/forty years ago and detest the current.

Then it came to reading Kimbly’s post about gigs nowadays, which are lacking in fervor and raw gusto. Then I was transferred back to my high school era where underground gigs were the shit. I mean, six years ago, bands played in public halls where the popos had to be paid off because there was gonna be profanities spit at the crowd and out of control moshpits where Eugene had lost multiple pairs of glasses, had his nose bleeding into his shirt, and Brandon with a busted lip or knee or whatever.

Tiny 7 was shooed offstage at the Sunway Amphitheater for having used profane lyrics. I can remember it quite vividly, it went like this:

“People people people, where’s the love in this world? We should stop the hatin’ and bring on the lovin’”

The crowd cheers.

“Life’s too short to waste on anger and pain so why don’t some girl suck my cock!” And Brandon kicked in this crazy bass solo and I laughed and laughed and almost fell into the backdrop when I realized the crowd was buzzing with revulsion.

All except for a small horde of Malay guys with fauxhawks at the bottom left who yelled “Long live punk rock!!” at us thanks to the 16 beats on the drums and that fast three chord style :P

Then the Chairlady of the thingy ran toward the stage and motioned for us to stop but Eugene kept on singing. Next thing we know, someone had pulled the plug and the crowd was gasping and staring in horror. And then we were being escorted out of the premises by the security, they grabbed the guys by the upper arms and led us out in front of the crowd. When we passed that group of guys, they slapped hands with us and cried “Punk’s not dead!”

That's what I call a defining moment in life.

When asked if Eugene would do it any differently he would say “Fuck no! I’d do it all over again.”

Damn it. I miss those boys. They use to wear their shirts inside out. The only punk band in the country and fuck they were good. JonIanGeneBran, you shaped a whole lot of me that I still am today even though you stuffed me into a shopping cart and hauled it all over Atria’s parking lot while I was throwing up. You know, genuine cool people are people who don’t know that they are cool and don’t want to be cool. Punk’s been pissed on by Blink 182 who sold out after Dude Ranch, same goes for fuckin’ Green Day and Simple Plan/Good Charlotte who is just pop for goodness’ sake. Don’t even get me started on Miss Avril, I’d take a leak in her mouth if I ever met her. It's fine if you have bland or bad music, just don't fucking claim to be something you're not. That's blesphemy. That's ajaran sesat. That's as bad as tricking a Jew into eating pork during the biblical times. Because if you know what punk is really about, you wouldn't claim to be anything!

Now Tempered Mental is one local band where when I first heard them back in 2002, they were awesome and they still are today. Melina could sing Silverchair songs better than Daniel Johns can, yes how very audacious of me. But it’s true. I have been listening to them faithfully the past four years and had even bought their cds and gave it away for free because I thought they were so good. It’s not even the type of music I like! But its excellent nonetheless and I had to acknowledge that. I doubt they would ever sell out. We got drunk and play charades at Ramon/Tasha's! That sort of credentials will take you a longggg way.

Apart from Tempered Mental I think the local music scene is dire and pretentious, from what little I know I must admit . It seems to be all about getting onto 8tv or Mtv (*spits) and less about music convulsing in your spine and bawling out something you believe in so much, you’d get kicked in the face for it. PS 1-18 used to get laughed at and picked on by the “cool” kids who wears button shirts and drinks champagne/wine in clubs. They called them "losers". I'll have you know that the same boys whose asses you kicked are: a 4.0GPA genius, the other the top of his course and another who is travelling the world with his guitar. They have no idea how much my boys loved to get beaten up, the more you beat them the more unquestionable it is that they are making a fucking difference. Or maybe, this is just the punkhead way. *slaps own forehead*

I was gonna say, get a clue dipshits. But no, some people will float through life the way they see fit and I shouldn't judge (but I sure can fire my thoughts for free). After all, like I always say, you can only live your own experience. And that's probably why I am the way I am, which I don't even know what that is but it is what I am.

The salah pictures.

Me, Ellie, Pear & Jojo.

Week before last at Velvet, Saturday Night Live.

I was in heels wei.

I shouldn't have been grinning like that -_-"

At ATB Redzone.

Now is my face fat or is it because its next to Ellie's?

Breakers.

This is my tryingnottolookdrunkbutkantoi face.

Eyes super red and puffy. Actually, that's not the only thing that's red and puffy :( *refer to previous pic.

Janey, I miss your sampat-ness.

Tiesto, Sepang.

I didn't know I could look like such a posuer so fierce.

Must be because I'm sitting next to Tyler. Some conditions are..contagious.

Mother's Day Plans.

Joyce and I were in the car with my dad on the way to breakfast yesterday morning. This is the kind of conversations the three of us normally have.

(Joyce)Daddy Mother's day is coming. What are we doing for ma?

(DaddyDearest)Buy her peanut butter and chocolate ice cream from Swensons la.

But she doesn't like peanut butter and chocolate anything!

I like ma.

(Me)Why don't we bring her to Sunway Lagoon? Nyahaha. I went there last week for some skate&surf event, quite fun lor!

Good idea. This time you both sit with me and have lunch. I heard there's good fried chicken there. We'll tell her to take Esther with her and we'll wait for her while having fried chicken. She can go play then meet us back there in 3 hours. Should be ample time for her to try all the rides.

...

Di, mummy hates theme parks. She never goes on anything!

Some more ask her to bring Esther.. She wouldn't last half an hour with Esther running around like a mad cow.

And for the next two minutes my dad was laughing nonstop. The night before the three of us was at Swensons for supper. Joyce tried to convince my dad to come back again for teh Earthquake.

Di, on Tuesdays the earthquake here is 50% cheaper! We should come back on Tuesday.

Can la. But now that you've started college, you're a big girl already. We split the bill la half half.

Sure. It's RM32 so 50% of that would be RM16 and half that it'd be RM8++ plus tax. Cheap still.

What you talking. Obviously I meant you pay the 50% that has to be paid and I pay the half where it's discounted la. I'm your father okay.

I nearly choked on my lamb chops.

O happy day.

I'm going back home to my parents' house later today.
Ham is coming with me. I don't care how fierce he thinks my dad looks, he only looks fierce.

Mommy called last night and said "Sorry dear, ma hasn't called you in a few days hor..hehehe."

"Yala, some more dare to say. Beh pai seh."

"Haha. Been busy ma..You know, when you get home, you should check on Esther's Malay homework and etc. And teach her something."

I could hear my father in the background going "Books for Joyce!"

"Oh yea, bring some books back for Joyce to read. You need to help her with her General Paper. The English is very tough."

Miss Crazy10AsForSPM needs help? It's not tough la she just doesn't like reading because she's a freak who does Add Math sums f0r fun while watching TV. I did her GP homework for her last week. Serves her right for being so smug when she had to help me with my College Calc last year. I'm so gonna be bitchy while correcting her mistakes.

Hm. I'm a glorified tutor, talk about bringing your first job home.

Maison again tonight :) Ellie's first time. *gulp. It's gonna be hard to beat Tyler's camwhoring last night. He's damn vain good la.

Eep!

Perry gets to go to Amsterdam over the weekend. Blast!

It's a public holiday and there will be a festival! Blast!

Tiesto's playing at the festival and it's free. Blast!

Perry gets to smoke pot in a kopitiam! Fuck!
(But he sked he pengsans there.)

Pear, be a man! Do the right thing!
Smoke that spliff!

Summer of Love.

And suddenly, as he noted the fine shades of manner by which she harmonized
herself with her surroundings, it flashed on him that, to need such adroit
handling, the situation must indeed be desperate.
Edith Wharton
The House of Mirth.

Maybe if I was born during the Summer of Love (1967), with the confluence of social revolutions from no-fault divorce to feminism to free love to Vietnam- and their eventual displacements by punk rock and Reaganomics, I could be the template of individualism. Albeit, personalities are a product of personal development, wouldn’t it be a whole lot simpler if one could just say “It was the times?” The sixties counterculture- along with its alter ego, eighties greed- has found me in this South East Asian region. Bob Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the wind” might as well have been playing while I was shitting myself.

In fact the only thing that I wouldn’t agree to about the Summer of Love would be the flower in the hair, which would be terribly unbecoming on me o_O

Even so, I wasn’t raised by some wasted, crazed hippie parents who smoked pot during the day. Nothing could be further from the truth; my mother was considered a square even by other moms (refer: Kimbly ;)) and is the sort of mom who’d perceive a wet towel left on the bed as a serious violation of basic human civility. In reality, I am the waste who smoked pot any time of the day. My mother, instead, has labeled me a hippie on more than one occasion and she says it in an accusatory tone. She said it the day I came home with a skateboard and torn jeans and she said it the time I’d gone 3 full nights without sleep reading Karl Max’s Selected Writings.

Regardless of her knowledge of what being a hippie is really about, and the reversal of idealistic roles, my mother raised me in a traditional household and together with my father; they gave a new sense that anything was possible. And even now, even in this desperate time, I trust that the foundation they had set for me, along with the love I had not merit from my friends, and despite my insurgences, I can hold this down.

Unmasked at Maison.

It's been a while since I took notice of my tattoo. It's been there so long sometimes I forget that I've always "had it on." Photo taken by Tyler, edited by Aran.

Ham, Aran & Tyler. Sorry ah, supporting roles smaller sized pictures :D

That's Cameron & Andrea. Liza's hidden.The humongo Long Island Tea. Definitely played a main role. That's Victor's shirt. That's our 3rd Long Island for the night. Courtesy of Vic's mom ;) She's the one holding a straw in one hand. Ever-ready!

Cho's a friend of Ham's from high school. She an identical twin. Well represented.

Tyler, Aran and I went a little crazy with Aran's Lumix. This is the first official time I had fun with a camera in my hands.

Trigger-happy.

Put Tyler and Aran together and Stel becomes the head and butt of every joke. Hey did you know Tyler can play the bass and the tamborine? And Aran the air-geet-tah.

The big fat love.

Haloscan & Banner.

Ham helped me install Haloscan, again. So my comments are all gone, yet again.

I have a new banner, inspired by the Katamari like Tyler's. Joey made me a really cool banner but I can't use it cause its too big and no one can help me resize it :(

This is the one Joey made:

A wise man said.

"A true artiste fears a blank canvas"

So all the times I spray-canned walls of public property it wasnt just vandalism. The impressionists were first known as art rebels weren't they? So when I was spray-painted the my high school's Multipurpose Hall and the Yellow Team's banners for kicks and got punished, again I was proven a true artiste. And another 2-day suspension was for being a rebel.

Wah sooooo longgggg.

tons of questions that show your in depth side!
basics
whats your name?:	Stella
what do people call you?:	Stel/Boo
where you named after anything?:	My name means star.
if you were born the oppisite sex what would your name be?:	Keanu Reeves.
do people spell/say your name wrong?:	Rarely.
if you could change your name what would you change it to?:	I wouldn't.
gender?:	Crafty.
birthday?:	Just another number.
age?:	21
age you act?:	My running shoes size.
age you want to be?:	Michael Jordan's shoe size.
height?:	Say gnome and Ima smack you.
eye color?:	As dark as it gets.
happy with it?:	Why not.
natural hair color?:	Black.
happy with it? if not do you dye it?:	When I have cash to flush, yes.
righty or lefty?:	My left eye.
family?:	<3
pets?:	Animals should be free!
peircings?:	9
tatoos?:	Erm..3?
love and stuff
single?:	Half of a whole.
who are you with, or who do you want to be with?:	My disney :)
are you in love?:	Against my will.
have you ever been in love, if so how many times?:	Yer, sensitive question.
do you believe in love at first sight?:	Everytime I see Ashton Kutcher.
is it possible to be faithful to one person for ever?:	All things are possible.
do you want to get married?:	Do you know Sandy and Kirsten?
do you want to have kids?:	Its my destiny.
how many?:	Have you seen Cheaper by the dozen?
do you believe in divorce?:	When grevious bodily harm is involved.
do you belive in true love?:	All loves are true.
do you consider love a mistake?:	No, cipek.
turn-ons?:	Sharp canines.
turns-offs?:	Oversized muscles.
do you think the oppisite sex finds you attractive?:	I doubt anyone finds thunder thighs attractive.
what is best about the opposite sex?:	They are the opposite SEX
what is worst about the oppisite sex?:	They are the opposite sex..
are you a virgin?:	Have you been to Uranus?
do you belive you should be in love to have sex?:	No shit.
how far have you gone?:	To the moon and back.
how many people have you had sex with?:	How dare you.
do other people consider you a slut?:	I know one person who does ;)
right at this moment...
where are you?:	Paradise.
what can you see out your window?:	The playground.
are you listening to music?:	*gasps. OF COURSE.
are you lonely or tired?:	The latter.
use 5 words to decribe how you are feeling::	I want to be sedated.
are you talking to anyone online? if so who?:	No.
are you talking to anyone of the phone? if so who?:	Okay..I can multitask but still..
what are you wearing?:	Shirts and shorts.
what are you doing?:	?!?!
whats on your mousepad?:	The mouse la duh.
friends
how many true friends do you have?:	Enough to be very blessed.
are you a loner?:	In college.
who is your best friend?:	Raylanie
oldest?:	Adeline Cheah.
newest?:	Aran!
shyest?:	Oh my. I don't have any shy friends.
loudest?:	Zuan Heng.
smartest?:	They are all smart! :D
ditziest?:	Bonnie Su.
funniest?:	Wong Mun Fye/Chen Soon
who is the best listener?:	Rachel Yeng.
do you prefer to hang out with one friend or a group of friends?:	Either way.
who do you wish you were closer to?:	JonIanGene like the old times.
who knows the most about you?:	Pek San.
who knows the least about you?:	Goodness..
who do you trust the most?:	Pek San by default.
the least?:	...
who do you fight with the most?:	Melanie. We love it.
who do you talk to online the most?:	Rachel & Melanie.
who do you talk to on the phone the most?:	Joyce.
do you trust others easily?:	Unfortunately.
name one who's arms you feel safe in::	Tan Guan Chiew.
who house were you at last?:	My parents'
who's your second family?:	Pek San.
who lives the farthest away?:	Bonnie Su :(
do you....
smoke?:	Like a chimney.
drink alcohol?:	If there isn't other poisons.
do drugs?:	I'm Alice in Wonderland, havent you heard.
pray?:	Yes.
go to church?:	Not anymore.
sleep with stuffed animals?:	Hell no!
take walks in the rain?:	If no one stops me.
dance in the rain?:	If no one calls the cops.
do any sports? if so which ones?:	Used to. Track.
sleep around?:	Yeah at Rachel's, at Ellie's.
lie a lot?:	Enough to be a sinner.
steal?:	Nope.
gamble?:	My heart.
have you ever....
kissed a stranger?:	Do I have slut written on my forehead?
slept with a stranger?:	Or all over me?
spun until you were so dizzy you couldn't walk?:	All the time when I was younger.
screamed so much you lost your voice?:	A few ridiculous times.
laughed so much it was painful?:	All the time!
cried so much it was painful?:	More than I should.
gone skinny dipping?:	I'm not skinny.
played strip poker?:	Does strip chess count?
had a medical emergency?:	A car crash.
ran away from home?:	I went as far as the living room.
done something extremely unexpected?:	Who hasn't? Wait a minute..
slept outside?:	One sad night.
been onstage?:	Yes.
deep stuff....
whats your biggest fear?:	Fear itself.
what was your weirdest dream?:	I was a boat going down a waterfall.
scariest dream?:	The Holy Bible was in a cryptic code.
do you have a reoccuring dream?:	No.
what was your best dream?:	I was swimming in nutella.
what IS your dream?:	To be a great mom.
do you live in the moment?:	I try and i try and i try.
what you greatest stregth?:	My friends.
whats your greatest weakness?:	Food.
do you have a motto you live by?:	My motto is to not have a motto.
if your life were a movie what would it be called?:	Stella.
do you have any bad habits?:	Picking the skin off the sides of my fingernails.
do you have any secrets?:	I doooo
are you fake?:	Nope pinch me if you don't believe me.
what do you want to do in life?:	Be a mommy!
are you a daredevil?:	I can be.
are you predictable?:	To those who knows me too well.
do you keep a journal/diary?:	A blog, *ngerk.
if you could change one thing about you would you? what would it be?:	That I could sleep long longgg hours.
if you were someone else, would you be friends with yourself?:	In a heartbeat.
do you think your a good person?:	I'd like to think so.
do you think your emotionally strong?:	My emotions are strong yes.
do you regret anything?:	Always thought I would, but no.
do you think life has been good so far?:	Yes :)
what do you like most about you body?:	Er I have all my limbs and organs.
least?:	I have limbs, organs and FATs.
are you trust worthy?:	No, please don't trust me.
are you gullible?:	No but I can make you think that I am.
Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Nothing to do, no where to go.

Describe yourself using one band and song titles from that band
Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band::	Ramones.
Are you male or female::	She talks to rainbows.
Describe yourself::	Do you remember rock n roll radio?
How do some people feel about you::	Freak of nature.
How do you feel about yourself::	I don't want to grow up.
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend::	The job that ate my brain.
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend::	Endless vacation.
Describe where you want to be::	Planet Earth 1988.
Describe what you want to be::	I wanna be sedated ;)
Describe how you live::	Making monsters for my friends.
Describe how you love::	Listen to my heart.
Share a few words of wisdom:	Take it as it comes.
Take this survey Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Ms. Know-it-all

Ham and I were having dinner in my parent's house while Esther my youngest sister of 9 was sitting opposite us working on her sums.

Me: Whats your homework on?

Esther: Divide. You sure dunno how to do one la, mama says your math not so good.

Me: What! Do you even know what a Teoram Pitagoras is yet!?

Esther: I know. It's a dinasaur la.



OH MY. They call her my mini-me.

S.O.S!

Kimmy if you are reading this I don't have my handphone with me so I can't call you and I panicked and I can't meet you for lunch after all because I don't even know where your workplace is and how am gonna find you! I used to have your number memorized but now I can only remember the first three and last four numbers. I randomly inserted numbers in between and got a very rude chinaman who was sprouting profanities at me at my 3rd call to him. The other lady couldn't speak English.

I'm so sorry! I will call you as soon as I get my phone!
*XOXO*

Innocence and Experience.

I grew up in a society where kids in my generation had started the dating game when most of us were less than thirteen years old. In Form 1, girls and guys from the same cliques were already interchanging partners on a monthly basis. I personally, had found it disgusting. Dating your friend's boyfriend when she's done with him or vice versa? The population of this country is not that dire. I couldn't help feeling like it's some Neo Nazi experiment where one should only date within their "cool circle" to not contaminate their "coolness" in the society. To only be able to read "social" labels, like Hitler and his Supreme Race. It sickens me.

You travel in a group, you talk the same, you dress the same, you have the same interests and hey! whad do ya know, identical boyfriends! O wait, he was just yours last month. What kind of inferiority complex were they suffering from? Why the insecurity? Peer pressure? Ugh what a dirty ph(r)ase. Can they not function without the other half? What other half? You haven't even got your braces off and yet you want to moan and groan about the ramification(s) of true love? I say you were asking for it. Then again, in Form 1, I was busy getting 9 holes pierced in my left ear and jacking CDS from music stores so I'm nowhere better.

Hence the above statement can be a little unfair. After all, one can only live their own experience. I could have my sympathy for a friend who'd lost a parent but could never feel the full blow of it without being under carbon copied circumstances.

So even though my teenage years were profuse in power chords and carpet-burnt knees, decks and dodos, DIY clothes (markering, painting, liquid papering, cutting, tearing and taping jeans & shirts) and failed attempts at veganism, I was not spared from witnessing the "puppy love" doctrine, passing me by like the Titanic in all its ignorant glory. There was another phrase, brazenly used as if it was Darwin's own: "Love is blind."

And sadly, once upon a time, I believed it true. I thought, "Hey thats right, when you love, you are blind to the faults of the other and their qualities shine like the Pearly Gates." Wrong.

But now, a little older, a little bruised and battered, a little wiser (I'd like to think), I honestly think that love cannot be blind. Love opens up your inner eye and you see everything lucidly. The world has more colors than you knew existed. Love the good, embrace the flaws. How else can beauty surface if everything was black or white (or if everyone keeps dating within their social circle, ha.)

But as I venture from William Blake's world of innocence into the world of experience, I am petrified to find that its irreversible. I can't go back to not knowing how pain can cut through your soul. Each time my heart constricts I hear this drumming into my head.

Black Birthday.

No racial connotations intended.

At the last minute we went for John Black's birthday thingy in Poppy Garden. Liqour everywhere! I counted 11 bottles of liqour before I stopped counting. Ham was such a greedy pig. I spotted his greed when there was half an inch of Chivas left in a bottle and he poured all of it into his glass and then looked around, spotted a Black Label and then poured some more until the glass for 3 quarters full without any ice or mixers. And the birthday boy was happily going around grabbing people from the back, his arm around their neck and jabbing the nozzle of the bottle into your mouth and makes you down at least 5 secnods of it. This went on all night. Naturally, I crossed the fine fine line and suddenly Poppy was spinning and I couldn't stop dancing.

Seldom.

For the past few weeks the first thing on my mind as I am stirring in bed, waking up from sleep is "What should I cook for lunch/dinner tonight?" And for the past few days the boys have been cooking dinner and its really nice being served. Heng keeps calling me "Kuai Po" (angmoh woman, shit) cause I keep making different kinds of pasta and other western food. It's because I'm new to it! I normally cook chinese dishes.

And its all nice and dandy, thinking of recipes from whatever we have in the pantry. And sometimes I get irritated when there is the ingredient I need and don't have. And most of the time, I'm out of milk and eggs. And its so annoying cause I don't have the time to run out and buy these things again and again.

This morning when I woke up, I felt queasy. Definitely shouldn't be cooking anything oily. I looked through recipes online and felt a wave of nausea as I scanned through recipes with bacon and ham. I think I need something more..wholesome.

So when I woke up a while ago, decided to make Devilled Eggs (haha) for breakfast and maybe some pratha. I know, doesn't go but whatever la I'm not living like a king. For some reason when I got downstairs I felt lazy. Looking at the unwashed dishes and bowls filled with maggi in the sink, I felt even lazier. But I boiled some water and when it was time to put the eggs into the pot, I was too lazy to use a spoon to lay it gently on the bottom of the pot. Instead, I dropped them in one by one. Of course, they cracked.

I couldn't help feeling SO irritated. I watched as the egg whites flowed out of the shell and become water-snakes in the pot. I get even more irritated thinking that the egg white is gonna be all plastic-ky :(

True enough when I went back down to take the eggs of the heat, they look retarded. As in, mutated. It's horrible. My stomach is turning. My throat is dry. I want to give up. I want to cry. I watch an ant strut past on the computer table and my left thigh starts to itch and I just want to scream.

Something is very wrong with me today.

Better Together.

First time I heard Jack Johnson's music, I cringed. Yer, music for saps, I thought.
And in high school I refused to date because I watched "Drive me crazy" and I agreed and said "High school love is for saps. For those who are insecure and seek attention. I will not do somethign stupid and regret it two years later."

But I've become a sap.
Gah!

Hm, the fine print is for those who gives a shit ;)








Whoah. I look really shitty without any make-up on. Fuck. Never thought I'd say that. Foundation is evil. 6 months ago I was surviving without it :( I have sold out!!

Guffaws*

an.anomie: Can we chat here? I prefer the cleaness of gtalk.
an.anomie: *cleanliness

me: its cleaner? i prefer MSN
haha but sure

an.anomie: gtalk sticks together also.. easy to manage [smile]

me: true true. but its weird. it feels like that msn webthing u use when u cant use the real thang [tongue]


an.anomie: Are you using gtalk off gmail or did you download the actualy gtalk program? you know this isn't even important conversation. AHAHAH How are you feeling now?

me: hahaha i'm using it off gmail. no wonder it feels so generic..its not the original one? i've been conned!!


an.anomie: The gmail one has cooler emoticons but it is actually a program you download and install just like MSN. But it's a lil more minimal than MSN

me: no wonder la..i'm like why aran's taste so shit one. gtalk sucks [tongue]

an.anomie: well you might still think that after installing gtalk

me: we are having the stupidest conversation ever. HAHAHAHA

an.anomie: you must be on weed. I can't remember anything we talked that morning
But I kept thinking that you were trying to purposely talk nonsense with me

me: no this is the best part, i'm not right now!
i wasnt! i mean, i was feeling chatty as usual but i cuoldnt remember anything so i kept asking and bringing up new stuff. now i cant remember ANYTHING. ooh! but i remember us saying that tyler looks like the lion in wizard of oz. thats the only thing i remember

an.anomie: at one point I decided that you were purposely just changing the subjects and confusing me.. so I started to do that on purpose to you.
THat I remember

me: you what?! well i was..kind of..but because you were participating. tyler was out.
hahahahaha tyler is the coolest la. its like..first he looks like the lion..and then walah! he looked like wes boland! the rice boy version!

an.anomie: Haha.. and then he talked to us for a while.. then decided he wasn't making sense and he just shut up.
I thoguth I'm check IMDB for the Wizard of Oz and look for the pic.. but there's like 38 movies with Wizard of Oz.. what the hell

me: hahahah hm whats the lion's name? he had a name.
shucks. what we really need is a picture of tyler's face that morning. damn blur and dont give a shit [grin]

an.anomie: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/75/Cowardly_Lion.jpg/200px-Cowardly_Lion.jpg

me: cowardly?! hahahahaha.
HAHAHAHAHA now the resemblence isnt realy there. maybe tyler looks like the young version [grin]

an.anomie: I think we were just high
AHHAHA

me: shucks..i was so convinced. i was gonna get you to play dorothy and joey's cousin can be the tin man [grin]

an.anomie: Why did I get Dorothy?
Why not Ellie?

me: because ellie is the good witch of the north
guess who perry is [wink]

an.anomie: No clue
The Architect?
HAhaA

me: what the
he doesnt look like colonel sanders k
perry is huck the scarecrow

an.anomie: Colonel Sanders?
I still don't get how I'm Dorothy

True Colors.

It was bad enough that I chose a distasteful gay movie to watch, it was way too flamboyant. Not at all classy and stylish like the majority of gay men are. The Producers was painstakingly awful. After the movie, Ham had to put up with Mun Fye and me throughout the night. Whenever the two of us are put together, we lose all common sense and universal decency.

So see, we were talking about fairy tales this time:
*warning: story is in a form of a conversation. really sohai.

That sohai prince is damn 7 sohai, so many princesses in the world he want to choose the one he has to fight the chibai dragon for. She’s been sleeping for 100 years right? Mahai her mouth must be fucknig smelly, some more wanna go kiss her! Fucking sohai. And she had her cibai fairy godmothers right? Three of them! But not one could tapau the stupid witch. The witch made up some haiyan wall of thorns right?

It was a jungle of thorns la. Then the prince cham kau all the vines down.

Oh okay. Bloody hell, come up with a better story la. Damn lan sohai.

I’m just annoyed at the fact that in all fairy tales, it’s a hero who saves. Not a heroine. It gives young girls all over the world false hope that generally, a man does the saving. I mean, compared to a girl. But then again, it’s a fairy tale. Certified fiction. Or wait, they could have lesbian fairy tales. Ew, sendiri maju salah jalan sorry

We can come up with a better story la. See, The king and queen are stoners you know. And the witch is actually their supplier. Then dunno why one day they had a fall out. So the witch swore revenge on their daughter who was born with bad breath. She cursed the princess, her breath will only smell good if she smokes weed.

And the prince’s name is Purple Haze! Instead of a jungle of thorns, it’s a whole jungle of weed! And he cham them down and smoked it till he was super powerful and tapau the witch!

You damn simple-minded. Actually, the jungle of thorns in the witch’s “hai mou” (pubic hair) and she told the prince that if he wants to save his princess, he has to penetrate through her “jungle”.

Chibai horny bitch, er witch.

Yup and so he did and he ran to the princess but she couldn’t wake up! You know why?

Someone spiked her with E!

Correct! So then what did he do to save her?

Force her to snort K! Then she started to trip and saw her lovely prince in a million heroic facets and she wakes up and marries him. Hah, two eternal stoners were born.

But one day the princess got a bad batch of weed.

Yeah, the pee-smell ones!

Ya so she got a shitty high and decided to walk it off in the forest. But then she met seven elfin stoners!

Yeah and instead of mining for diamonds, they grow dope! Acres and acres of dope.

*pauses to fantasize*

So she moved in with them and became their bitch. And her husband forgot about her and married the witch who was disguised as some leng lui. You know la, a lot of girls who looks good but their insides all black but still wanna act like they danm “all that”? Ahhh those!! Then the witch of course jealous la, its better to have a good heart right. *HAHAHAH* So she set out to kill Snow Bitch.

She made an apple bong!! And stuffed the cone full with poison ivy! And Snow Bitch of course, stupidly, as we all are when it comes to good shit, smoked it! Popcorn-ed it some more! And then she overdosed, on what we don’t know yet.

The prince found out and got angry. He took a whole bucket of that water from ice bongs? Whatever they are la, heard its toxic and the threw it over the witch and she went “I’m meltingggggggg.”

And she mampus and the prince took out his personal bong, inhaled and exhaled the smoke into the princess' mouth, stoner CPR, and princess woke up with good smelling breath and they lived happily ever after on a strip of happy5 each a day.

WE ARE TERRIBLE.

It was supposed to be twisted fairy tales but it ended up The Chronicles of the Druggies.

Next thing you know we’ll be filming the Memoirs of the Pei-Ka ;P

Making boys feel like Christmas trees.

I'm still coughing and spitting phlegm out every fifteen minutes. At least it's more white than it was green.


And because I was tossing and turning like an angry baby elephant all night, I missed Tyler's call to go to KL with the Awesome Twsome. Now I'm stuck alone at home *grumpy*


I think I'm gonna go downstairs and fry slices of spam in a pan and scoff them down to fatten my already obese body (and face) :( Somebody stop me!


Ooh, Arthur just called. I answered and he went "Hello Mrs.Tan?" and I nearly threw the phone across the room. Haha, going for lunch with him and FyeHai. YAY! In case I haven't mentioned, Arthur is representing Mel and Fye is taking Rachel's place now that my darlings are in Australia. So its girl-talk time!

Look at me.

Sex, drugs and rock n' roll.


I miss the times where rock n' roll was enough, just on its own.

Color me happy.

I'm watching Bandits again. I love this movie. If there's any movie that teaches you to Seize the day (Carpe Diem), this is the one. Perfect movie,


Insane and unhappy are different. I'm talking with Rachel over MSN. Lifesaver.


And I'm telling her that I panic every time I watch this movie. The part where Kate tosses and turns in bed and goes "I chose the wrong life!" I panic.


We are very good at reading punctuations. Actually, she is. I'm good at using them.


Billy Bob says "I've got a bee up my ass about you two." <3


I want to be Kate Wheeler.

Broke the sword.

My two favourite girls over the seas. I'd name my children after the two of you but it would get super confusing when we are playing mahjong and I'd go "Melanieeeeee! Please don't touch that vase. Mommy knows it looks nice. Nice doesn't mean you have to touch it."


Or, "Rachel! Don't eat mommy's acrylics!!"


Kim and I (the responsible ones) are here in our homeland where we can have authentic nasi lemak and swiss rolls with kaya.



While I was blogging about this I was telling Josh about how much I miss them and how busy Kim has been. And asked him if he had anything to add,


"These four girls are a living breathing stock photo, a girl group without the singing ability - but all of the sass, attitude, and characteristic perfection. although they vary in size, the smallest being Melanie, and the largest being Kim, and in boob size, the friendship between these girls over the years is nothing short of remarkable. The grouping defies the odds. usually got at least one annoying one. but even melanie's constant complaining is endearing, stella's bluntness is refreshing, kim's ambitions are respectable and realistic, and rachel's er...i don't know enough to comment. but arthur is lucky."


Wokay.. I wouldn't say I agree with everything he said otherwise I would have posted all of what he said. The rest of it were very flattering but unfortunately not very true Josh.


Rayyy..come home..


Melll..buy lottery..

60% cliched.

Joseph Arthur - Honey and the Moon.


This song reminds me of the time I spent in West Palm Beach, Florida on the beaches. My friends there had school when I was there so I'd walk to the beach by myself with a book and my discman. I'd dig my feet into the sand, watch the waves while I missed all my friends back home in KL.


Oddly, I listened to Hot Fuss, The Killer's debut album a lot while in Florida. It would follow me everywhere I go hence it would be played in whomever's car I rode in. Navarre was a quiet town, and Indie Rock and Roll seem to add flavor to the town.


I arrived in Navarre after Hurricane Ivan had hit. Although the disaster was mostly in New Orleans I got to see inferior damages the hurricane had caused. Windows were boarded up, roofs panelled with temporary planks, broken trees and branches piled in messy heaps, knolls of sand looking awkward on the roadside, highway and on lawns. Standing in the middle of the street, I gazed at the destruction and tried to picture the land before the hurricane. I could tell it must have been really pretty but I watched the sun set behind the ruins and I thought "God works in his own mysterious ways, and each one is beautiful through and through."


Since there weren't really any trees for me to climb, I climbed the sandhills and sat on top of them. I searched the area where there are broken trees for any sort of nests. Maybe a little beaver's dam since there are branches to spare.


A little bruised and battered we all move on, most times, to greater things.

O bitchy me.

I have been pretty sick the past few days. Not immobile and vomiting but full of phlegm and feverish. Sunday morning I felt the bones in my body ache and a headache on its way. By Sunday night I was cranky and particularly fussy with what I wanted to eat. My boyfriend banned spicy food from my diet and I pouted the whole time he was trying to coax me into eating ‘wan tan noodles’.


Monday morning was a nightmare. I slept through my alarm. He gently rubbed my shoulder, “Baby... wake up. Are you hungry?” And I growled at him. Growled! I felt him instantly pulling back. Usually, when he wakes me up, I’d smile and say good morning darling while rubbing my eyes and then getting up to brush my teeth while making funny faces at the bathroom mirror. But that dreadful Monday morning, I was as grumpy as an irritable chipmunk. I felt a stinging pain in my lower lip and found a gigantic ulcer on that line that connects your lower lip to your gums. Then I started coughing up a storm, phlegm a harmony of white and green. Imagine how difficult I have been the past three days.


Being all pissy I didn’t want to leave the house. All I wanted to do was to stay online to chat with my friends. Imagine being the one nursing me back to health. He hurried out to buy cough syrup, Bonjela, Panadols, and Zantec for my gastric. Every two hours he would force feed me cough syrup while I glowered at him. Every three hours he had to chase me down to apply Bonjela to my ulcer. He even applied salt to it. I screamed inwardly while digging my fingers in to his flesh. He also had to walk out to buy all my meals home at least twice a day. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he had to sit next to me and wheedle me into taking another bite. Most times I wouldn’t finish my food and would snap at him if he persisted in persuading me to eat. All in all, I was being 100% bitchy (albeit suprisingly obedient).


This morning I woke up extra grouchy. I grumbled and griped at the most insignificant things. After hours of clucking and fussing over me(and even bribing me with spicy noodles) to no avail, he left me alone. I sat in a corner with my laptop and frowned the whole time. He looked over at me ever few minutes to see if I was doing better but I continued to scowl.


After a while, I was smiling and laughing at the screen. And every time I did it was as if I remembered that I was in a crabby mood so I immediately turned that smile back upside down. He looked suspicious, and gathered his guts to sit next to me. Suddenly I burst into giggles at something on the screen. He scooted closer and peered at the screen to discover that I’ve been cooing over Karen Cheng’s boys, Callum and Sean. I held his hand and the next hour was spent reading karencheng, chatting, laughing and talking about nothing in particular.


Until I realized, he’s found my soft spot(s). Children, a good read and wit.


My secret obsession for the past three years or so. I would read and re-read her posts over and over again. Sometimes I’d go back to her 2003 or 2004 posts, and re-read everything all over again. She has been exceptionally inspiring.

:: karencheng

The last crisis.

The last time my soul was shot to pieces I listened this song on repeat. And then I made Rachel download it. She played it 67 times on repeat after the first time she heard it. Listening to this song then was like having sonnets bellow out from your insides, like a priestess reading aloud the contents of your belly, innards and wishes trickling down the sides of your body.


I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See a liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I'd screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.


I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.


I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.


I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.


Tears and rain
Far, Far away;find comfort in pain
All pleasures the same: it just keeps me from trouble
Its more than just words; its just tears and rain


James Blunt - Tears and Rain

It must be my heart.

The awesome twosome (Ellie and Pellie) joined Sor Ham and I for dinner tonight. A happy glow fell upon us as Ellie recounted her "settlements" with the bridal gallery. Too bad we're not KMKS-ing tonight, guarantee good trip. Another trip to the set of Mulan please.


Jason's birthday this weekend. The technicolor gang has been allocated a room to themselves thanks to Tyler ;) Guess it's time we moved the magic out of BUS and KMKS and onto a new realm. Mr.Fono, time to go skiing again! :D


Also, it's my baby sister Esther's birthday this Sunday. I'm the party-planner ;) Gotta convince Sor Ham to play the clown to entertain the children.
*dies of cuteness.

The only man so far who could inspire me to sing along to Jeremy Jackson's Right Kind Of Love from Beverly 90210. He's gotta be somethin' ;)


It's been a long time since I've properly "spoken" to Ray and Mel. Though it was on MSN and all three of us stuck in three different states/countries, it felt great nevertheless. I'm fueled once again. I miss you both every day. And everytime you bitch about the weather or the workload, or even mention being homesick, I will say "Come home!" I really can't care less what you would leave behind there. I'm the one left behind. But I know you have not gone on without me. We are still walking the same pace <3

I miss you too Ray, I'm out of credit :( COME HOME.

I'm listening to The Strokes' First Impressions of Earth. Again.


But I am humming tunes from Is This It.


I'm trying my very best to punch The Strokes' First Impressions Of Earth album into the part of my brain labelled "LOVE" along with its partners' Is This It and Room On Fire but it's regurgitating:



I didn't take no shortcuts
I spent the money that I saved up
Aw mama runnin' out of luck
Well like my sister don't give a fuck
I wanna steal your innocence
To me my life it don't make sense
Your strange manners, I love you so
Why won't you wear your new trench coat
-Barely Legal: The Strokes.

HOWWWWWWW..(LS)

I'm getting into the habit of using parenthesis' again. Gotta love em'. Both the noun and the adjective alike :D

Bubblegummers.

Are boyfriends like bubblegum to us?


When they lose their sweetness we spit them out.


I could never continue to chew on the same piece of gum after the taste had run out.


Or maybe when we're younger, clad in Bubblegummers (as its name so implies), it was all about the sweetness. And now that we've grown up a little, it's about the fun of chewing. At different phases, our purpose(s) switch.


I'd like to think I'm a little more grown up now.

White horse on tapas.

Okay, that didn't sound right. But either on its own were gewds (quote UnkleBUS). Pear and Ellie came to pick me up and we headed straight to La Bodega to meet the rest. The men all had their alcohol while Ellie and I had ice lemon tea and pink guava respectively. We are good girls. No substances thanks. Not yet at least :)


Let's see, we ordered lamb meatballs, tiger prawns, buttons mushrooms, fu yong egg okay kidding, spanish omelette, more tiger prawns, chicken in olive oil, garlic and dried chillis and err a few other dishes I forgot. Oh yea, a miserable cutlet of lamb in mayo and er something. Damn it I'm bad at this. I can't write articles, my memory is super selective. I can't remember nouns :D


But I remember Tyler, Aran, Jeevan and I laughing like mad hyenas throughout dinner while Ellie, Pear, Joey and Joey's cousin had a serious conversation about er serious stuff. First Aran and Tyler could not stop teasing me about the session the week before. Wholeeeee night I had to listen, on repeat,

"It's so sexual lor" (HAHAHAHA)
"It's so big! Why so big!"
and "Hi Fridge, I heard you can talk! *silence* Oh lansi la now, fine. *slams fridge door.



And then the tables turned and it was Aran and I doing recaps of Tyler's "I'm so ghetto! I'm here with my dawgs" and his romeo and juliet scene with Natalie Portman, or so he says.


Somehow everything we talked about during dinner was fucking funny. Tyler and Jeevan came up with so-called Mensa questions to test the rest of us and Tyler ended up as Young Buck after posing as 50cent the half hour before.


??? Something's too right with us. When everything is funny, you know you're with smart people :D HARHAR.


After dinner we headed to KMKS where the magic took place once again..


By dawn on Saturday I was home back in darling's arms :P and the rest of the day was spent recuperating. Well, at least it was for Ellie, Pear, Sor Ham and I. The rest were at Velvet. Like the awesome twosome we too stayed in, cooked our own meals, caught up with the two latest episodes of Lost and The OC.


So today's Sunday. Tyler came to pick Sor Ham and I up to Pyramid where there is a Bridal Fair. I happily bounced around snapping pictures of Ellie and Pear while they were speaking to various bridal galleries. I noticed several Ah Piaus shamelessly gawking at Ellie from stairs above her. She is looking at wedding pictures! She's getting them taken soon! She's off the market ;) But appreciate beauty all you want, see no touch ar.


And now I'm back home, Soe Ham playing DOTA. *snore. Time to harass him while the game is getting good. Hm or accidentally trip and unplug the PC. It's quite exciting to watch him get angry and when I look at him, eyes open as wide as I could looking as scared as a rabbit trapped in headlights while his face softens and he goes "It's okay, just a game. What do you wanna do now?"


Yay :D


PS: I'm only calling him Sor Ham because he's calling me Sampat. Hopefully, the sooner the better, we'll come up with better nicknames for each other because these ones are beginning to grow on me o_O