You know how when you look back into the past and try to remember how the sensation felt like during a significant time and while you remember bits and parts you also realize how small and sometimes insignificant they feel because some time has passed?
But you also knew at that time what you felt was very strong and you can't seem to wrap your head around the notion that you don't feel anything close to what it felt like and you feel just a little guilty. However there's that tug at your heart, pulling it sideways telling you that it was real and it did happen.
I don't want Ham to be a small and insignificant anything. I held his hand tight when I told him this. I have made choices that I stand by and that I beleive I am in someway paying for but benig with him is worth all the judgments and offhand comments. I take pride in knowing that I see something many others don't and that the breaths I've been taking since I've made that choice are all that of blissful sighs.