So yesterday I had a chat with Rachel and we were debating friendship. Of expectations and exploitations.
I asked, Why can't friends put their judgments aside when it comes to another being happy?
And I said,
People think they are standing up for whats right when really, they are being self-righteous. There's a big big difference between the two. If you love a friend, his or her happiness should mean the world to you regardless of any circumstances your friend is in. Even if you feel that your friend made a wrong decision, you do what my favourite fatty does and stand by your friend despite knowing that you would have done otherwise. Naturally, whatever you feel about their situation should come second to their happiness. You can't live another's happiness or sorrow. You cannot live another's shoes. It's nonsense and I've said before and again, you can only live your own experience. Love..even in friendship is so strong and binding and I cannot see how one's judgments or values, so-called, can take precedent over your love for your friend and his/her happiness. Happiness is like love, something so grand and powerful that is has no measure. Opinions however..values..beliefs..all secondary, in my opinion heh.
Then she said,
I only have that kind of love for a small handful of friends. People will always love themselves and their opinions more.
She has said before,
You love to a great degree, and many others cannot do that and you can't expect them to do it your way because neither loves the same way. Love is not universal.
So the cynic wins. The more I look up to friendship and love, the more disappointment I'd feel later on. Is she right? That relationships are doomed to fail especially whe one believes in fairy tales? Because real life can never quite live up to it. Why is it easier to get pissed at a friend when they are closer to you? Probably because you feel they should be a certain way and once they've put one toe out of line you cut them off. If I was such a friend I would have chopped Mel into pieces and never see her again. But as these differences surface our bond grows stronger because despite all the arguing and debates on whats right and wrong, one thing is clear in our minds that nothing will ever come in between us. And when you have that in a friendship, even if its just one or two, you're never alone.
I've decided, to expect a friend to treat me a certain way, I must first be the friend I want to have.
And so it is.