The blues.

Or the greens. *ahem.

Rachel Yeng, Ter Pek San, Wong Mun Fye..
You have no idea how lonely I am without you three.
Come home pleasee..

Our system is vicious. 3 months of seeing you every morning, afternoon and night. And then months of not seeing you at all.
*SOB.

Potahto, pohtayto.

Daddy bought an entire cod fish again and this time he gave me 4 thick glorious slabs of it.

YUM. I usually do the yin yong; one fried and one steamed. I dare not experiment with it because if it goes wrong I would cry. Seriously I would. Once when I was making prawns with breadcrumbs and when I overfried them I stared at the wok and felt a small sob coming up my chest.

I was sub-consciously checking MSN to see if Elle is online cause I need some tips on what to do with potatoes. I don't have pork, so I can't make sliced potatoes and pork. But since she isn't online I'm looking at recipes through websites. What a noob la me.

Anyway I was talking to an ex-classmate and she mentioned that I have really straight hair.
"I know," I said, "I've always wanted more volume, its so straight and boring"
She said I could try rebonding it, so it would be super straight because apparently, its in style.
I didn't have the heart to tell her that I HATE the whole rebonding thing and think it looks ugly on 90% of the girls that gets it done.
So I said "Nah rebonding's not for me. I don't want to spoil my hair"
She came up with a solution saying I could buy a ceramic iron thing (cant remember what its called) and straighten it every morning.
Who the hell has the time to straighten their hair every morning tell me please. I don't even have a hair dryer.
I don't even have a hairbrush.
I've never paid for a haircut.

Okay, I deserve to have boring hair.

Wet Willie

You know how when you look back into the past and try to remember how the sensation felt like during a significant time and while you remember bits and parts you also realize how small and sometimes insignificant they feel because some time has passed?

But you also knew at that time what you felt was very strong and you can't seem to wrap your head around the notion that you don't feel anything close to what it felt like and you feel just a little guilty. However there's that tug at your heart, pulling it sideways telling you that it was real and it did happen.

I don't want Ham to be a small and insignificant anything. I held his hand tight when I told him this. I have made choices that I stand by and that I beleive I am in someway paying for but benig with him is worth all the judgments and offhand comments. I take pride in knowing that I see something many others don't and that the breaths I've been taking since I've made that choice are all that of blissful sighs.

Saves the day.

I've been singing to this song for about seven years? The lyrics are damn sweet! I still like it till today so if you have time go listen to it. When you're bored like I am now you can sing and jump with it for hours. Real entertainment.

Let me take this awkward saw
And run it against your thighs
Cut some flesh away
I'll carry this piece of you with me

So all I can say tonight is that I hate you
But it would be all right
We could see each other sometime

If I could somehow make you mine
And if not I'll take my spoons
I'll dig out your blue eyes
I'll swallow them down to my colon
They're gonna burn like hell tonight'cause your beautiful
Just not on the inside, yeah

Light comes from within
And your beaming eyes don't seem so bright

My heart is on the floor
Why don't you step on it?
When I think ofall the things you've done
My heart is on the floor
Why don't you step on it?
When I think of all the things you've done

Boardwalks and breaking waves
Made our Saturdays
I'd buy you lemonade right now if you were here then I'd throw it in your face
And I'd listen to you cry

Remember how I miss our nights under ocean skies
You and I are like when fire and the ocean floor collide

: Rocks tonic juice magic.

If I crossed a million oceans

A week ago Esther got the Sims for her Nintendo DS. As I've said before, Esther and I usually give in to Joyce so its been Joyce hogging the Nintendo while Esther watches her older sister plays her game. Joyce even bosses Esther around asknig her to plug the Nintendo to the charger never taking her eyes off it.

Anyway one of them decided to name one of their characters Dr.Jimmy and the other Dr.Neuron. Then i got to thinking that maybe I should name one of my sons after my dad. I thought it would be great not just as a gesture but an even more solid imprint of my father in my life; our lives.

Then I thought about how I would be bossing my son around using my dad's name like "Jimmy! Don't chew on the rug! Jimmy, don't bite Aunty Joyce!"

I happily recounted the story to my dad and then he said "Yeah then you'll feel a hard smack at the back of your head."

I think I'll do it anyway. Probably as a middle name. It would be awesome! Every man should be like my dad! He's the best! Every weekend when I come home he'll be waiting to take me to lunch, and then we'd go buy everything that I like to eat and sometimes buy/borrow a book. Then we'll sit and talk about our friends, our books and our family. We'd device plans on how to wrestle Ma from her hectic schedule to have dinner with us. We'd talk about how proud we are of Joyce, of how smart Esther is and how we want to buy a gigantic house and have daddy and mommy live with us and our husbands and kids. I can tell Daddy is really happy with the idea because he said "Eh can also, I can start looking for a plot of land" although Ma said "You think your husbands will like meh?" But I know secretly she like also.

Ooh and on Monday Daddy invited Ham to lunch! And Ma has been giving him more errands to run! It's a sign of acceptance! Progress! If Daddy only knew how much he and Ham have in common. The gory movies, the obsession with making me eat, the comic books in the bottom shelf, the addiction to Zantec, the afternoon naps at the same time, they both prefer being at home, the same stoopid jokes, they both secretly love Transformers but wouldn't admit it, they both call Rachel by Ray like me, they both HATE it when men cry in movies, they both LOVE making fun of Joyce, and most of all, they both adore ME!

Happy Birthday Yeng!

In Melbourne time its officially Fudge's birthday. She likes being sandwiched what can I say.Like I told her, there's so much I wish for her words cannot convey!

She got a new cat today. I was trying to help her name it. I said "What about Pudge after me or Fudge after you?" Then i was upset because Famous Amos had increased their prices by RM2 so name the cat Amos. Then she came up with Dice, Orion and something else.

Now her cat's name is DiceCube. If you've watched Puff Puff Pass, remember the Cool Crush Ice Killa?!

hAHAHAHHahhahahHHAhahahhahahHAhahha.

A sad sob story.

I can't write anymore.

I was going through my old posts looking for a story my sister could use for her scholarship application. I used to write better, although they were much darker.

I can't even find the words now and they use to dribble messily all over the place.

I used to be able to paint pretty well. Now i'm not sure if i'm holding the brush right.

Not everything is like riding a bike.

Shit colored nails.

You should read this.
The part where she said "i'm sure we love the tempurung we're under" its too funny.

fattyboo says:
very nicely put!
unfortunately, from what i've seen and heard, the same kids griping about the anti-rasuah cops asking for bribes are the SAME people paying the bribes. if you truly want a change, let's start at home.
let's hope they are more people like you, who complains productively (for lack of a better word)
and i had no idea the ferris wheel cost 30mil, thats an absurd amount of money spent but whats new lah, we've always known the government to spend stupidly on stupid things. locals are swarming there to "view malaysia from the top" and again these are the same people who don't even travel within their own country.

its like that idiot in my global advertising class. in every class he never fails to angrily announce that there are children suffering in Iraq. START AT HOME. who are you to be all high and mighty when you're wearing nike frmo head to toe day after day?

its one thing to be unmindful . thats fine. there's no crime in that in the least. its fine when you're comfortable where you are but its a whole other thing to want to sound all humanitarian and ooh so morally-conscious.

that bribe thing. i bite my tongue whenever someone complains that the anti-rasuah badge wearing cop asked them for 30bucks in exchange for a non-summon. because immediately after that they'll affirm that they paid the bribe and then continue to complain that that was 30bucks wasted. then why not, for fucks sake, take the damn summon! if you would have said "thank goodness these cops accept bribes i paid rm30 instead of rm300" then at least you're not being a hypocrtical prick. if one had said that, i'd be impressed that they didn't feel the need to express their disdain over corruption when they are participating in it! if you didn't pay bribes in the first freaking place, they wouldn't be asking for bribes. but then again, temptation. who in their right mind would pay rm300 over rm30? well i say it should be the same people complaining about it in the first place.

that whole shark's fin thing. some people tells me, "its okay stel, these ones aren't real anyway." yes but you are propagating the sales of the shark's fin by participating in the selfish act of eating it. i'm fine with people having it, to each their own. its not like i look down upon those who enjoy it, my sister joyce loves it and though sometimes she feels bad about eating it (due to my stare of disapproval for the last 6 years) i'm fine with her having it because she doesn't go around claiming to "so love animals and nature." but don't tell me to have it cause its fake. its even stupider to have the fake ones i feel. some say its just been a tradition for so long. then whyyy the "progress" with wearing skimpy clothes and being up to date with technology and not progress with being conscientious about thsi sort of thing?!

its the same thing as wearing faux fur. if there isn't people to wear them and make them a fashion statement the rich who can afford the real thing wouldn't buy them and hence making a whole market out of it. don't talk shit on the poachers, in fact they are just making a living however disgusting their jobs are isn't as disgusting as you wanting the fur for vanity purposes. i'm not big on animal rights, but if not for the sharks or the other creatures of the sea swimming around shark carcasses, then what about the ecosystem? bleah i've blogged about this enough times.

and going to the zoo. oh my goodness the zoo. girls go "i wanna go to see and see the animals!' then giggle and be all demure because you're some animal loving albeit ignorant brat. the same animals that you sooo want to see in the zoo are underfed and goodness knows about the fight they had to put up to avoid being locked up while you insensitive people happily pay money to fund their sad state. the polar bears, fucked up! 2 air-conditioners is not gonna cut it. leave them be i'm sure we can move along fine with life without ever seeing polar bears. for an animal lover, isn't knowing that these animals are safe and comfortable more important than gawking at them through glass for 40 seconds? i don't super duper love animals but yet it makes me sad that thse things are happening right under our noses. it makes me sick that "animal lovers" want to go to the freaking zoo! same thing with the pet store and the stupid circus. the circus is sick. except while i was talking to miriam today she told me that the zoo she went to in belize suprisingly keep all their animals healthy and the environment they are in are almost exactly like the ones they came from. she could actually FEEL the animal's happiness. for one thing they don't import the animals so none of really taken far from their natural habitat. now why not spend 30mil on something thoughtful like that?

i really could go on forver so bottomline is, its cool to be whatever you are but its stupid stupid stupid when your actions shows one thing and your talk shows another. like paris hilton, people enjoy gossiping about how bimbo and shallow she is but hey, she knows she is and she's not claiming to be the greatest humanitarian in the world or comparing herself to mother teresa.

Esther aka Clever Oo

Funny hat, shiny pants. says:
omg and you know what she did to me yesterday ah!
Stella says:
what?
Funny hat, shiny pants. says:
she saw a cockroach in the kitchen right. but i didn't see. so she was screaming and saying got cockroach all but now go away already.
2!! or 3!! not suer also -___-
and i was like "is it. cockroach only ma"
and she's liek "YOU ASO DAMN SCARED ONE!" and i'm like nooo. then i continued cooking maggi with chooyen la right.
AND SHE DAMN BAD SHE PUT ONE OF HER "CHOCO BABY" ON MY HAND (that was resting on the kitchen counter) AND SHOTUED "COCKROACH! COCKROAHC ON YOUR HAND!!!"
Stella says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i damn love her la. our house got cockroach meh!
Funny hat, shiny pants. says:
wahlau. os i screamed damn loud and she's like "that's why next time don't say you not scared!" IN A VERY SMUG TONE
Funny hat, shiny pants. says:
WAHLAU. SHE IS NOT EVEN 10 AND SHE IS SUCH A BITCH MAN.
Funny hat, shiny pants. says:
wah i damn sad she alwys do these kind of things ot me. must be cause i'm the middle child.
Funny hat, shiny pants. says:
i should have category on my blog titled "MCS"
Stella says:
eh. i ALWAYS give in to you. even esther gives in to you okay.
Stella says:
when you and esther both want to use the compuer or watch tv, she'll let you have it even after you screamed at her. then she'll look at me and say (because she knosw i'm probably gonna scold you for scolding her) and she says "its okay, let er jie"
Stella says:
MCS my backside
Funny hat, shiny pants. says:
...
Funny hat, shiny pants. says:
fine.

My favourite two.

So yesterday I had a chat with Rachel and we were debating friendship. Of expectations and exploitations.

I asked, Why can't friends put their judgments aside when it comes to another being happy?
And I said,
People think they are standing up for whats right when really, they are being self-righteous. There's a big big difference between the two. If you love a friend, his or her happiness should mean the world to you regardless of any circumstances your friend is in. Even if you feel that your friend made a wrong decision, you do what my favourite fatty does and stand by your friend despite knowing that you would have done otherwise. Naturally, whatever you feel about their situation should come second to their happiness. You can't live another's happiness or sorrow. You cannot live another's shoes. It's nonsense and I've said before and again, you can only live your own experience. Love..even in friendship is so strong and binding and I cannot see how one's judgments or values, so-called, can take precedent over your love for your friend and his/her happiness. Happiness is like love, something so grand and powerful that is has no measure. Opinions however..values..beliefs..all secondary, in my opinion heh.

Then she said,
I only have that kind of love for a small handful of friends. People will always love themselves and their opinions more.

She has said before,
You love to a great degree, and many others cannot do that and you can't expect them to do it your way because neither loves the same way. Love is not universal.

So the cynic wins. The more I look up to friendship and love, the more disappointment I'd feel later on. Is she right? That relationships are doomed to fail especially whe one believes in fairy tales? Because real life can never quite live up to it. Why is it easier to get pissed at a friend when they are closer to you? Probably because you feel they should be a certain way and once they've put one toe out of line you cut them off. If I was such a friend I would have chopped Mel into pieces and never see her again. But as these differences surface our bond grows stronger because despite all the arguing and debates on whats right and wrong, one thing is clear in our minds that nothing will ever come in between us. And when you have that in a friendship, even if its just one or two, you're never alone.

I've decided, to expect a friend to treat me a certain way, I must first be the friend I want to have.

And so it is.

A blue straw.

Last night my family and I ended up in Rakuzen instead of Shogun :( Though the food in Rakuzen is much better but I always preferred having buffets when its Japanese food cause then I can go all nuts on the shashimi. Anyway there was this Dragon Roll thing my mom always orders. I took a picture with my phone this time.

Hehe big prawn made into Drah-gone! We had 3 servings of that and uh an overload of food.

After dinner we went buying snacks. This is my share.

That Hello Panda can is filled with biscuits instead of the usual one I buy with individual packets. YUM.
I'm gonna have a happy next two days.

Common in Smokin' Aces!

This is so typical girl blogger.

1. Watch Factory Girl. Somehow, someway.
2. Make appointment for Brazilian.
3. Make Mel come with me for above so I can hear her scream again.
4. Give the Lohs their Christmas present.
5. Hand up Friday's assignment on Monday four days earlier.
6. Watch 300 again.
7. Call Peter and Jane to give them my new number.
8. Fingers crossed the kindergarten will have a field trip soon.
(I miss my students from Nursery Yellow *sob)
9. Finish Monday's assignment on Monday itself and hand it up before leaving school.
10. Be thankful that I don't have to take another damn cab to school and back as soon as Ham gets his car!
11. Try not to complain about the crowd tonight because other people will.
12. Condemn Fye for not being a true Frank Miller fan because he hasn't seen 300.

Go Spartans!

I just watched 300 and I LOVED it.
Damn yeng. Only part I didn't like was the last 5 minutes. Probably because I knew the movie was gonna end. I was hoping it was longer.

Before the movie we had pig's organs in pepper soup. Again. I have it about 3 times a week, at least. Yum. I only eat the siew yuk looking thing and the pig's heart. Evil but so yum. Arthur and Mel tried it after we sent Rachel and San off at KLIA. Arthur was holding a piece of the congulated pig's blood, something I haven't tried. He ate one then picked up another one and asked, "This is taufu right?"

"No its congulated pig's blood."

He paused for 2 seconds before saying "Eh quite good right."

Think I'll have it again tomorrow.

Missing me.

Ma called earlier and asked "Are you coming home this weekend?!"

I said "Of course la. Crazy ah I know you miss me."

Mother laughs shyly and said "Mommy take you for japanese okay?"

"Okay!"

Then Daddy called.

"Hi. I'm near Petaling Street and there's that sweet meat store that you talked about. The one with the rooster in boxing gloves. I'm at the main branch. You want any?"

"Yes! Oh and Ma said she'd take us for japanese when I'm back. Buffet here we come!"

"No if you want japanese there's are good restaurants where you order ala carte and the quality is much better"

"No dowan. I eat alot alot of salmon shashimi daddy. You save more if you take me to a buffet."

"True. Okayokay."

I love my parents!!! Everytime I miss a weekend home they'd lure me with food.
Speaking of family, my sister Joyce has this bad habit of calling her boyfriend "Aunty Chong". (See when a boyfriend is sweet and attentive, they get called Aunty)
She even wrote him a poem which i just HAVE TO share.

Butterflies make me happy,
purple is the best.
If you want to call me aunty,
please be my guest!

Bitchy bitchy.

Back to the Chong article in The Star because apparently, I'm not done bitching about it.

Not just about the Chong article. The whole Malaysians knows good music thing is absurd. I mean its absurd based on the claim that because Muse sold out, they know good music?! Byuing tickets to some band and going to watch them doesn't make you a fan. Because there are so few concerts in Malaysia that if anyone at all comes to play everyone would wanna go watch. Why because its a a trend, a western trend.

There are too many bands I wanna see live but when I hope for it, I don't wish for them to come play here in KL because I know the bands wouldn't give it their best. People left and right have been saying that Incubus, Muse and all..that their performance fell short of expectations. Well I don't blame the band. Simply because they know, statistically, that Malaysians don't buy their albums. You wanna say you're a fan of this band, please at least have bought ALL no at least 2 okay, of their ORIGINAL albums, nevermind the singles and etc.

It just doesn't make sense to me that you can spend rm70 on tickets to go see the band play with your friends and talk about it later and not have money well spent on a CD! So, so what if their concert sold out to whole bunch of people who downloads a few of their good songs and claim to be a fan? What nonsense! Don't say its because its expensive. Bullshit. When the same "ooh I'm so cool I like rock people" can spend good money on freaking Starbucks, which I feel is insanely expensive for coffee that taste like shit. But oh I suppose its designer, its good. San Francisco Coffee is like 27 times better.

Bands reach their targets by having albums sold out, not concerts. I can't imagine loving a band and not having their CD. Opening their album sleeve and poring over every detail and knowing you have a piece of them close to you. That just cannot compare to singing along to afew of their famous songs every now and then.

The Fray is completely annoying, if I hear their stupid ends tonight song again I will shoot somebody.

Ooh all this anger. I think its partly because Rachel, Fye and San has left to go back to Australia. And i'm left here with Mel hahahahaha. She keeps me occupied. Since she's been back we've been at each others' throats. I think I said "Stop talking to me Mel, you're fucking irritating me" about 30 times since she came back. I think she's hit me about 29490573 times. But I can't imagine life without this crazy bitch.

That's us at the airport. I CANNOT do kissy faces, stop maknig me do them. Damn tak jadi this picture. It hasss to be the only one that Miss Hobbes has resized since she's the only one that looks nice here.

Oh and a picture from Maison a few weeks ago. It's funny when I ask Ray to come with us to Maison she scrunches up her face and says "Yer I don't like the crowd there, all young kids" And so I said to her, since when has the crowd has anything to do with us going out? It's not like we're there to be seen and hence can only go to places where certain people hang out. So we went. And walking in there I know what she meant, the vibe's all wrong! The crowd is yes full of teenyboppers. Not that that would usually annoy me but in this setting it did! I haven't been back at Maison since. The first few weeks Alvin was spinning there the crowd was small. So I was thrown off when I went back there that time and it was a whole new scene. One which I didn't really like. But we were there with our awesome awesome and the night turned out geat of course. But yeah, I haven't been back there since.

L to R: Hobbes, Derek, Susie Derkins, Calvin and San. (Heheheheeh)

I was dancing up a storm, therefore the uh..sweat :D

Zoom

I got up early today, had breakfast with Ham and went for my morning class. The cab cost almost rm20 from here to college. I quickened my pace cause I was already 5 minutes late and stepped into class to see 2 of my classmates sitting in the dark.

10 minutes later we called the lecturer..to find out that he has cancelled today and tomorrow's classes because he's leaving for Botswana. WTF. He teaches two of my subjects. He's a kind and relatively smart lecturer (which are few in Limkokwing). 10 minutes later I was on another cab back here.

Ham has been glued to the computer since we had access to the internet. Reformatting and installing and doing whatever while watching and reading his anime stuff. I tried playing chor tai ti alone, amused myself for 2 good minutes and then feel asleep. Stella never naps, but I did.

A few hours later I stirred in my sleep cause Ham started bouncing on the bed saying "Babe I finally did the thing i wanted to do with the computer. Are you proud?!"

Playing along I said "Proud..very proud."

"I can start playing DOTA now!"

*shoves him off the bed*

Wiring.

...You know it ain't easy... For these thoughts here to leave me..
Nothing like a drawl from Clarence Greenwood to start off a quiet night.

I've been watching film after film. Flyboys was unexpectedly good. Babel was intense for the sake of being intense, couldn't fool me. Blood diamond I liked. Days of Glory was not as good as I expected it to be. I hate to admit it but The Holiday was kinda cute, never liked Kate Winslet till now. I wanted to watch a chinese movie so I got this Leon Lai one but never made it past the 20th minute. It was the kind of movie which was scenic, the director of photography was good but the plot was a piece of shit. Anyway don't know what I'm talking about. Just trying to kill time while my boyfriend drinks more beer (and I say this with disdain because he's growing a gut) with his friend downstairs.

Bla bla bla I read in the newspaper the other day, i think it was by some Chong person and he claims that Malaysians have better music taste because Muse sold out. And it seems to him that Muse is some sort of obscure band and so, since it sold out, Malaysians no longer succumb to the mainstream. What a load of crap. Muse has been freaking mainstream for years. You just don't label people like that. It's not just Malaysians but everyone, including the Americans jump onto the bandwagon of liking oh no in modern day everyone claims to LOVE anything obscure. Apparently it makes them a little special, a little different if they liked something not many others did. See I was elated when I was about to see New Found Glory play 3 years ago. Tears was in my eyes when they came on stage in West Palm Beach, Florida. Imagine my horror when NFG didn't play any of their songs from their first album. 6 out of 8 songs were from the 3rd album which I really didn't like and and i just sat there dumbfounded. Everyone was singing along to the new songs which I didn't really know the lyrics off. This was the band whose first album I played over and over and over again day after night after night during my high school days.

I think maybe it was then I gave up and I knew everytime a band gets their "break" during their 2nd album, the 3rd will suck and it would be a worldwide curse. Maybe its just me. It probably is. So you know..no point looking out for good music. Good music is just good music. Nevermind the roots, the history, the values. Nevermind how much I disliked Jet I gave them a second chance because their record label was of the same as Bob Marley's once. I don't know why these things get to me.

So lately, or for he past 3 years or so, I listen to the same old albums again and again. AndI think its enough to get me through this life. Rant rant rant rant.

I am so bored. Why do i get annoyed so easily. Like today in class I wanted to slap the idiot sitting in front of me for being so freaking ignorant and bashing America for invading Iraq. Sure sure its easy to pick on Big Ben than Tiny Tim. It's always easier to defend the underdogs. But KNOW what you're saying, don't just say it for the sake of the "pacifist trend". The idiot is wearing Nike from top to bottom and if you really want to take a piss on cruelty, start at home. Start with not wearing shoes that has 5 year old girls' blood on them.

Everything I say demands a long lengthy explanation but I've been through it too many times and i'm just tired. Tired of being human. Maybe I should have shark fin's soup everyday while claiming that I'm all for animal rights (Oh just the furry and cute ones).

Am I cynical? But I want to get married and have many kids and live happily ever after and some part of me believes it possible. Maybe I'm just wired wrong.

Ooookay.

Bai.