It's back!

CNN is back on our Astro!

Though I've grown to love Aljazeera.

Been tearing almost daily watching the damn news.

It stops here. No more news for me.

It's ruined.

Last night Mel told me a part of Deathly Hallows. It was a significant part too.
Even after I specifically told her not to tell me, she told me anyway and claimed "But you don't know who exactly."
If you've read the books..you'd know that its a 50/50 chance who lor. And the way you proclaimed it, I can tell who it is already lor.
Damn tulan.

Sigh.

Went out for lunch with my dad at the nearby wan tan mee place.
Met a couple of friends from the church I use to go to.
They sat at the table behind mine, so my back was facing them.
And while it was lovely and all to see them again...

They were loudly discussing the deaths that occurred in Deathly Hallows!
LOUDLY. I literally had my hands over my ears, only thing I didn't try was humming but I didn't want to be rude.
But still I heard the ending! This is so so so so so fucked up.
Have you ever tried very hard not to hear something? Well its something that will definitely backfire on your ass.

After we left the place my dad said "I know you heard the parts, I didn't. DON'T TELL ME."

Then I came home and spoke to Ham on the phone. I complained to him about overhearing the parts. WAHLAU. The fella go tell me the biggest part of all! He assumed that was what I heard.

Yeahla I know, know the ending nvm one ma..gotta read for the process. Mahai, its my goddamn decision right. I've been reading about Potter since I was in Primary school, way before the freaking hype and now that its all hyped up it's ruining everything. Every Tom, Dick and Harry is talking about it.

Why does the media ruin everything! When bands make it big, they turn to shit. When books make it big, they shit all over the place.

I know it's a children's story..and I shouldn't be worked up over something like this. But what's the fucking point of waiting a little over two years for the freaking book, and know the freaking ending before reading it. Why can't people be more sensitive toward this kinda thing? The same people yakking about it are the people who are not fans of it! WTF!

Fuck man. Must I stay home until I've finished the book? I am reading as slowly as possible because I never want it to end. I'm rationing the pages, savouring every word.

If I accidentally overheard, then fine can't be helped. But I HATE people who knows you don't wanna know, but wanna tell a bit a bit to see you get riled up. Like a freaking cheap thrill to them. Like wow, I got something to hold over your head, beg me not to tell you! I know knowledge is power la, but don't make me smash my fist into your face, it's not just about the book its the principle of it la! Wah. I'm really angry.

Sigh. I'm still pissed off. I'm so so pissed off. As if it's not already bad that on Sundays everywhere you go for lunch will be flocked by ppl with fake chirpy smiles and somehow, a slightly upturned nose.

I'm just bitter. I want to throw the book out the window. I want to slam it in someone's face. Right now I hate everyone.

If you don't understand why I'm angry, fuck off!

Later!

- Langkawi was great! But 4 days is too short. I need at least a week.

- Ham and I fell when getting onyo the ferry. We fell on the wet steps, so he's limping and my back is bruised in 3 places.

- Have a few pictures from the trip I need to get from Rachel.

- Krystina is a must-have when on the beach/ in the sea and around alcohol.

- I'm off to collect my Harry Potter! *WHEE!

What you gonna tell her, after she discovers, you don't really love her.

I have had Augusten Burroughs' Possible Side Effects for a few days now.

I am..sigh. I have all of Augusten Burroughs' books now. It's a collection. Now I've tried to collect many things, like all of the Ramones albums. All I have are unfinished collections of Guns and Roses, Smashing Pumpkins and RATM andd..probably some others. The only collections I have are when the band only has 2 or 3 albums. So it doesn't count cause you'd need the singles and okay nevermind.

He calls his dogs "animals plucked from nature." I do too!
And toward the end of the book he said, "And if given the oppourtunity, I'd eat Spam everyday for the rest of my life."
Augusten Burroughs, is my soulmate.

I hate those 'I am not a plastic bag' bags. I wonder if he does too. They are a mockery to environmentalists eveywhere, not that I'm one so I could be wrong. I hate baby tees (i also hate saying babyts) but anyway, I hate them with slogans on it. It's like Hello, I don't have a personality of my own so I really really need my shirt to give my identity some color or plain Lookie me! Lookie me! But you know what's funny, girls that wear cutesy shirts that says I need chocolate, Love me Love me or something stupid like that, have like this expression on their face that makes me think they have invisible shit smeared on their upper lip. Or maybe, someone hung their pet hamster on their clothesline, I don't know.

For Christmas last year, my sister bought me a bright pastel yellow shirt that says something along the lines of "Something something something, I threw an tantrum and got it". I thought it was thoroughly asinine. I was horrified. But delighted at the same time at its atrocity! But I love my sister to death so I wore it at home. So Joyce, now you know :D

Though..I like her shirt that says FreakHunter. Because it's green. It's the perfect shade of green. Then again thats not a freaking slogan.

Sometimes you can't make it on your own.

Months ago, during one of our mellow moods, I asked Ham, "If a truck were to overturn right in front of your house, and no one got hurt," I said quickly, "And you could have anything to eat that you like in that truck, what would you want it to be filled with? Because somehow let's imagine the truck would be abandoned, but not the goodies inside."

Ham chose cakes. Funny, I never knew he liked them that much. I knew he liked cake, but didn't know it was at the top of the list. So I asked him what his favourite cake was, hoping to get it for his birthday this year. He said he didn't know and don't even have the faintest idea.

So the other day for Ham's birthday, I bought him 10 cakes from Bakerzin. Not the whole cake, just slices and stuff. I was on a mission! We were gonna discover his favourite cake. We almost did, until we came across one which was..pretty bad. I love having an honest boyfriend because instead of chowing them down and telling me they're all great he said "This one is bad. I feel like vomitting."

I thought, insane! How can throw up cake. So I took a really big bite. And goodness, it stuck to my throat, my mouth and it wouldn't go down! I drank a whole glass of orange juice and it still felt like the cake wanted to strangle me alive. Ugh. But the rest were pretty good. I would have taken a picture of the pretty cakes but all I had is my lousy camera phone which would make the cakes look lousy.

I've also cooked Ham every kind of prawn dish I know how. With cereal, with breadcrumbs, with garlic and curry leaves, everything! He loves prawns, I love him, I love prawns, he loves me.

Happy Family.

Bang bang bang.

I critisize. That's what I do. I am generally a happy person with little complaints but I snub a whole lot of things and mock everything else.

I can't help smirking at studio pictures. After all studio pictures belong in a casting agency or wherever not lounging around blogs or friendster profiles. Well, unless you are amazingly vain. Not that that's a crime, but still, I smirk.

I ridicule certain people like crazy. I do it to your face too my friends know full well this blunt tongue of mine. You know girls who offer to spread their legs to one guy, then offer it to his friend or just offer it to the world, and then complain that the guy doesn't respect her? Hello? What did you expect? Just because you're a girl men must respect you is it? Respect yourself first la. Give them something to respect. Respect is earned. Think, think! Your punani isn't the only one in the world, just because you offer it, drive it all the way to his house, doesn't mean he has to worship it.

I get annoyed with people who think money is everything. Some people tell me I think this way because I've never had a problem with money. You thinkkkk..just because I don't whine about being broke 24/7 means I have like shitloads in my wallet. We make do, we provide for our children and make sure everyone has a roof over their head, food in their stomachs and leftovers for rainy days. Anything else, luxury of nice clothes and flashy cars, are bonuses.

I sometimes am furious with people who think they have the worst lives in the world. I am so pitiful lor, I kena this last time, my past was like this, I am going through this. Eh, everyone has their share of bad "pasts" and their share of pain. It's part and parcel of life la. Walk through it, bitch about it even fine, but don't wallow and moan and groan every waking minute of your life, you're bringing down the others around you. Because as friends, or when people regard you as one, your suffering rubs off because we care. So sometimes, if the problem isn't really of magnitude, either tone the whining down, or save it. Having the world carry your emotional baggage for you won't solve your problems. Misery loves company? That's just a sick idiom to live by.

Oh and people who use their "problems" as a freaking conversation piece. If you have a real dilemma, the first thing someone should do is to somewhat sit in quiet, figure things out and plan your step by steps. Then maybe speak to a friend, seek refuge if need be. When a real problem comes knocking, and your first instinct is to announce it to the whole world and to yak about it for days, I am sorry but I will not be taking your so-called problem seriously. Have you not had real problems? If you had you'd know that there are problems so severe, talking would not do shit. Venting would not do jack. It does not help in the least.

Okay and everyone knows this one, I cringe verbally (heh heh) at bad music. I just..cannot. I'd rather have the silence than bad music playing. It's funny huh as I know I love the music I love, but there are songs I cannot stand! There's an abundance of songs to slit your wrists to nowadays, to make you feel like dancing into the busy street and get slammed by a truck. Not in a good way either. So since I'm so sensitive about this, and since you also so sensitive about certain things, how bout humoring me and turning the damn hitzfm mixfm shit off when I'm in your car? :P Ok..Mel and Ray and gonna let me have it for this one. Mel and I almost had a fistfight over the radio because Michael Buble was playing.

But at the end of the day, these are little things. We all put up with each other's shit. But there are shit people can't take, the stank is rank! It makes people want to run! So when you give people shit thats too hard to take (because it hurts as its coming out), accept that certain people won't take it. So clicheddd but we all have our limits. I know we've all said "Friends to the end no matter what." But come on, even most "I love yous" are only when its applicable. Not all "I Love Yous" can withstand the worst beatings. "Chicks before dicks" as Mel happily recites, and "Bros before Hos", how often do people break these mottos. Whatever it is, its usually "Me before You." So watch your step, don't take the people around you for granted. Know that many things happen to you, because you let it or you nurtured it to grow in that ugly direction. Take the blame once in a while, be amazed how much you'll grow. I mean, really take the blame and not just say it because you're trying different approaches to get people to pity you, or to get their attention.

When you know your friends has been awesome friends for so long, and suddenly they turn their back on you, maybe, just maybeeee its you la. Don't blame them for not being good friends, after all you've sung their praises, take a quick look in the mirror.

And, radio stations off when I'm in the car. Thanks.

Good times, great taste, not at McDonalds.

Cassie dances to the Ramones' Rock N Roll High School!
Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock'n'roll high school!

My high school wasn't rock, neither were any others but high school time was the most "rock" time I had. Tribute to Jon, En and Gene who very conveniently left me in this country while they are playing and making music where they supposedly belong.

I was rummaging through their multiplys to see what each one was up to because we don't email very often anymore *ahem En and Gene.

Guess what I found!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!! (Thanks Gene)
This is before they had had mermaid green hair (yeah the whole head), the beatles hairstyle, the mohawk and everything! This is wayyyyy back. We go way back. Sigh, good times. I think En was like..11.

I should be very thankful I'm not in this picture. Me..at that age..hehehahaehah cannot take it.

-_-

I was in the kitchen making my parents' nightly orange juice when they came home. Halfway squeezing the oranges my dad came into the kitchen and told my kakaks how "he got injured". "Itu orang ah, kaki pecah, muka lebam tau."

-_-

Kakak Siti said "Tuan itu mainan bola kan!"
Kakak Afie "Kena pukul bola ke?"

hahahahahahahahahahaa.

:( My dad's right arm is about half an inch thicker than the left. That's how bruised up it is :(

Ration, heh.

My dad came home with his right arm covered in red bruises and abrasions from his wrist all the way to his shoulder. He had been pushing himself while playing badminton for a couple of months. He's felt the strain on his arm but he ignored it and continued to play. His friends goes to China Open to play and win medals so since he wants to keep himself at their level, or at least somewhere there he goes the extra mile.

In the past few months he has come home with several injuries, a sprained ankle etc but he only rests for a week before playing again. That's it. I've confiscated his badminton things and banned him for playing for at least 3 months. Maybe 6. My dad obliged.

He got the red bruising after he went for treatment and they massaged his "internal wounds". But later in the evening when he showed my mom and aunt his arm my mom exclaimed, "What happened?!"

"I was in a fight," he said while turning his arm around showing them the other side, equally bruised. "I won, so you can imagine the other guy's condition."
My mom stared at his arm for a second, looked at me and went back to her soup while my aunt cracked up.

My parents are in Ijok now near or in Kuala Selangor. *WHEE. My dad sent me an sms saying "I bought 3 kilos of sotong and 4 kilos of giant prawns." Yayy my parents doesn't even eat prawns. Dad is allergic. So..this only means..more for me!

Last night after I had two plates of rice, my dad shared his giant bak chang with me. My grandma made it specially for him, it's 7 inches long and 4 inches thick. My grandma knows how much my dad and I love the pork fats so it was filled with fat! YUM. After that within the next 2 hours I had another 3 normal sized bak changs. My dad looked at me as I was finishing my 3rd one and he asked if I go to the toilet after eating so much. I told him no cause ahem I usually constipate after eating a lot of bak chang. Which is everyday these days. He went into the kitchen and came out with 3 pills. "Take these, there's a bit of laxative in it but these pills are meant to expel fat and oil from your body. Maybe you should take four."

Stupid pills. Gave me stomachache at 6 in the morning. I'm not going near them again. I went to the toilet thrice. It was the kind of stomach pain that knocks the wind out of you and you feel like barfing at the same time. It's just not worth the pain.

I think my eating habits are starting to scare my family. What. Everyone is telling that I lost weight and somehow that has fueled my appetite. I mean I've always been eating a lot but when I'm with my family I eat and eat and eat.

Hmph my dad and I..sigh. The other day I went for lunch with Rachel and her dad at Sunrise duck and her dad ordered a whole duck for the three of us. "Wow! Damn a lot!" Rachel looked so happy to see so much duck Then I thought and then said out loud "My dad and I have a whole duck just for the two of us." When Rachel and her dad were done there were about a quarter plus duck left and I finished it. No shame. I left two pieces there cause I didn't want them to think my family was starving me hahaha.

My dad and I eat in excess. That might be a but of an understatement. When we go for our favourite siew yok in Kuchai Lama two of us would eat RM40 worth of siew yok in the coffee shop. We looked over at another table of six who were paying for their meal and theirs was also about RM40. Hmm..

When we have hawker food, my dad used to have char kuay teow, curry mee and something else like chee cheong fun or wantan mee. He'd always order three different things. This was when I was younger. Now I've upgraded to two different things and he's downgraded to two or sometimes even one. I try to maintain when I'm out with friends cause even though I have a healthy appetite I don't wanna look like I'm gorging myself with food due to starvation.Or maybe when I eat with my dad it's free and my appetite is as one with an elephant's.

I've tried dieting once. Maybe two years ago when I was gaining so much weight I couldn't fit into my jeans. But that was the most miserable time of my life. I've never felt more pitiful or pathetic. I just felt so sad to refuse extra rice, to choose something less fattening, or to have only 2 meals a day. I was practically tearful inside during that time. So, never again will I deny myself the pleasure of eating. Not yet anyway. Since you all said I lost weight ma! :D :D

To think when I was in primary school, I hated eating. My mom would sit there with a cane and make me finish my food. I hated dinnertime. Since everyone leaves the table before me (I take an hour to eat my food), I'd roll up my rice into a tissue and throw it down the toilet bowl. i was so skinny my dad kept stuffing me with food. Look what happened to me now. Omg, what's gonna happen to Esther she's going through the exact same phase. She uses the same excuses I did. Headache la, stomachache la, fever la. Just to escape dinner.

Anyway, I'm only young once. In a couple of years I can't eat like this and not be riddled with a million and one illnesses. So, seize the day! Makan!

Hua Xin.

I do a lot of things that I don't enjoy doing. I go to places I don't like. I talk about things which otherwise I would think are a waste of my time. But I do them because of the people I want to be there for. Life can be all of an obligation. But it is a small sacrifice for a greater cause.

From time to time I would think of the returns these sacrifice should reap. I'm only human its natural to think about this policy. To want a piece of cake on someone else's birthday and to want to have cake to share with someone on a birthday..

But you know, not all accords work like a boomerang. Hell even a boomerang doesn't work half the time.

On days like these when cakes are left out to rot, I think about that negligent No, I think about that careless Can't. I think of all the times I ran to their sides and left my own world on hold, and in the end all I'm left with is all loneliness one world could hold.

No disappointment, just despair.

I see past those laughter lines.

Rachel has been back for a couple of days although this time we are not glued at the side. I guess we speak so much everyday while she's away it doesn't really feel as if she's been away at all.

Okay, what nonsense. I definitely felt her absence. But you know, it seems when this year was spent being a homely girl, I should have all the time in the world. Funnily enough I don't. I have my dad to be with, Esther to tutor, my mom's errands to run and Joyce and I have decided to sort of alternate the days we are out so one of us is home. Plus I don't like leaving Cassie at home alone for too long. Also, Ham lives quite a distance away and sudden whims to see him takes over and he comes to pick me up.. and there goes a whole day.

There are things to do when there is nothing to do. Like how I asked Elle if she was bored now that she wasn't working and she's home all day. She said "No because there's washing, cleaning and cooking to do."

I wash, cook and clean too! To the point my kakaks told me not to cause I'm making them look bad. Okay la I don't really wash but I do cook and clean.

Anyway so now that I don't have a social life, my life at home has finally begun. Mommy and daddy depends on me. Like I get to make big family decisions that I shouldn't need to, not at this age. But it comes a time I ust buck up and this is it.

Though sometimes I do miss my friends dreadfully, I miss their company, the banter and the laughter. Most of all I miss that sense of belonging, having these people at my side. But my friends are rational creatures and would agree with me that family comes first. Plus my friends will always be family so here's to hoping I don't completely fade out.

Don't marinate chicken in kunyit, ever.

Heng celebrated his birthday a few weeks back and he had a BBQ in Ham's house.

See how big Cassidy has grown!
Ham the Hermit and I. We're the only two who had the party hats on all night.

That's Nicole, 7 and Kenji, 5. Leong's kids. When they came in they greeted me with their usual "Jie jie" but Leong had to correct them and told them to call me Auntie because I'm their father's friend. Damn tiu. But Leong is my precious "chor tai ti" kaki so cannot be angry at him long :P Leong has another kid on the way, his baby boy will be due in September and I get to choose his name!

Joanna and I. Haven't seen her months. She's still the same quicky chick.

This is Susan. Susan is also my mahjong kaki. We both learnt mahjong together under the guidance of Miss Adele. Sometimes Susan and I get so bored in Ham's house when the guys are sleeping we tried playing mahjong just to two of us. Yeah, yeap.

This is Adele! Adele and I have been friends since I was in Form 1 but she went to Australia a year plus after that and I haven't seen her since recently! She used to be one of the older girls I hung out with during school times. She's the best! She can also seriously dance hip hop. Bump and grind yo!

Victor and Connie brought baby Caeley over for an hour. But I haven't got pictures of her from Susan. When her eyes are closed and she looks grumpy she looks like Victor but when her eyes are wide open she looks like Connie hahha.

Mika sucks ass.

It was Andrea and Cameron's engagement dinner last night so I got to see the technicolor gang! *Whee! Everything is back in place! I haven't seen them in months which made me a little wistful because I used to see them ALL the time but last night made me feel as if I've always been there and nothing has changed. Elle is still as level-headed as ever, how she's constantly so temperate and objective still amazes me. Plus she's the perfect wife! Perry is still a ding-dong. But you know, the kind of ding-dong everyone looks up to, or at least I do. He's really one of the kind. Tyler is still the best friend anybody and everybody should be so lucky to have, I cannot stress this enough. Aran seemed to have mellowed (why keep thinking of new projects ah!) a little but I got to see Bawanee quite the tipsy! Fun! She should be drunk all the time! Eve looked like she's mellowed too, very "teacherly" hehe. Joachim is still Joachim, borderline weird, but the cool kinda weird of course. As for Andre, I only know him as the Happy Buddha. So again, Congratulations Andrea and Cameron! You're both a great catch on your own so that makes a great couple!

I watched Transformers today. Not that I was very eager to watch it but I fell asleep for a little while toward the end. When I told the rest I fell asleep for a while they looked at me aghast. Then again when I tell people my all-time favourite movie is Bandits they give me that wary look hm.

I went to Somo just now for the first time. We were supposed to go to Finnigan's but when Arthur and I reached there was extremely loud hip hop music (and not the good kind) playing that just turned me off. So Art suggested Somo.

"You'll love the place Stel. It's damn chill and bla bla bla"
"Art, after years of being my friend you do realize that I can't stand "high-class" places right? Makes me feel out of place."
After I said that he had this uncomfortable "err" look on his face so I said "But its okay, its always the company that counts."
His face softened when I added "As long as there isn't anybody there that would make me want to shoot them."

(I realize today was an eventful day! A movie and a erm bar place in one day! I guess I've mellowed too. I'm quite tired of Velvet and the nightlife. I just wanna be home all the time. But my friends don't particularly like hanging out in my house so..it's time to get back in the game HARHAR)

Okay I know. I say incredibly uncomfortable things sometimes. I'm honest. I like or don't like I say la you can't take the heat then don't talk to me.

Hasn't everyone noticed how I am? Having known me for years even if we're not close. People who don't know me so well say to me "Oh you'll like it everyone says the place/food/whatever damn nice. And I always say the same old thing, "My opinion and taste usually differs from "everyone else." But then the person looks uncomfortable..and the atmosphere would be awkward. But frankly I just don't give a shit :D My close friends know how I am. Rachel looked at Mel and I, I dressed in a demin skirt, plain top and cons and Mel in some black dress and said "You both look damn different." She herself was in skin-tight grey leggings and some kind of longish top with big buttons that I don't know what its called. So we're all different. And we usually hate the things the other likes. Except for..food.

Oh, the next person who asks me to go to Laundry for the 100th time in the past year is really gonna get it. It's realllly getting old. Actually it's toned down now, when the place had just opened I heard the word Laundry so much I started to curse when its mentioned.

Anyway, my post has gone from a happy beginning to a happily irritated end, time for bed!