Friday, January 13, 2006


I dreamt of deaths, left or right I saw dying koi fishes, babies, people in buses and on streets. But I was saving them.

Koi fishes in different sizes jumping out of different aquariums. They keep slipping out of my hands, their slimy texture causing me to cringe everytime I had to pick them off the floor and toss them back into the water. But their suicide attempts continued to tire me. Approximately a dozen aquarium lined the wall outside a room brimming with dull sunshine. Someone came to help but it was no remedy, I had to do it myself. They were mostly orange, black and white. I was installing filters, adding water in a frenzy and yet I was dry, parched and barren. Bile threatened to escape my throat and I was trembling in disgust and fear.

I was holding a new-born infant in my arms. I had a vision of an elderly woman with wise lines crossing her eyes and cheeks and she was out to kill the baby I was cuddling. I remember running, I remember being out of breath evading falling and cracking concrete. The woman stared me down and color drained out of my cheeks. I must have blanched a thousand times while holding the baby draped in red cloth.

My feet were hovering over train tracks and highways. I was hopping on top of buses, saving lives. I saw my dad dodging a white vehicle and I panicked. I pulled a Jackie Chan for the next 15 minutes, kicking windows. I tried to scream but I didn't know how. I could not make a sound.
I had to swallow it all. It was creepy, vivid.

All almost graping Jack's right hand.
I woke up exhausted and out of breath, my joints aching. I was freezing. I looked at the time, I was asleep for 2 hours.


jinxed said...

tell me when was the last time we were truly happy, stel? i still remember ray told me that we're the type that have to work hard at being happy. but how hard do we have to work to be happy? i miss u stel...

Stella said...

i should be happy. i've got you, ray and so many significant others by my side all the time. what else could we ask for!

who else could we kid.

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