Sunday, January 08, 2006

Broken Hallelujah.

The past months has been baffling. I sit and count the reasons to why I am here today. As I always say "We can only live our own experience."
I'm bound, broken and alone.

Sat on my desk and propped my legs over the window sill for 4 hours, staring at streetlights and the turtle-shaped tree in my neighbor's backyard. My nerves constantly tossed around like a salad. Suddenly, it's not enough. The unconditional love my friends extend, the constant company I have day after day, they don't seem to be able to fuel my existence. I am comfortable taking steps backward, tripping along the way.
I've been pushed away one too many times, its no wonder I can only move one way. I'm only waiting for the next shove. Nevertheless, I'm not prepared.
Once, my ceiling was beaten down by daydreams and idle thoughts. Now I am infected with nightmares and mobile fears.


Anonymous said...

i know its tough.
i can't even bear to try to slip on your shoes to see how you feel.

i'm here for you, just want you to know that.


Stella said...

i know, of course i know :)

Anonymous said...

life is an a crazy journey, friends and commitments are only a part of it. when times get tough and you dont know who to turn to look for the people who want to hold you close and would never push you away... no matter what happens.

Stella said...

what is definite as well as infinite?