My reflection, dirty mirror.

I just read my sister's blog and damn I want to eat Nutella from the jar. The big one. But i'm still slightly afraid of it.

Coughing phlegm for a fortnight is not pleasant. Speaking in a drag queen's voice can be fun but it gets old. Sleepless nights and a very painful throat.

But I did eat 7 packets of Mamee Monster last night. And I sense that my luncheon meat binge will come on again. It's like the tide.

The only thing though, that I've had so much of I'm put off for life, is orange popcicles. What was it called again, Split? I scarfed down on those like they were air.

I'm chatting with Rachel on MSN and its been said that in Grey's Anatomy, she would be Meredith and I would be Christina -_- I always have to be the one who's a bit chee sin thanks. But I love Christina so okay I'm Christina.

Rachel also asked me to read this. I agree with the fella. I don't have shopping or eating in my hobbies in Friendster, I checked. But still, I could pass for one of the mediocre girls he's talking about. Ray says we're not those girls because we have a different way of life. I get what she means but I'm still not sure. I hate that as I was reading it I was steadily agreeing and then I hated it even more when I went on the defense wondering if I could be one of those girls. Whatever am I talking about bah.

I love it when Ham is watching Boston Legal, its the one time he laughs out loud several times in an hour when facing a screen. It's good that we have one common interest so far. No our dogs, myself and ganja doesn't count. Actually there's also our love for Heroes, Lost and Rome. Oh oh and we love (hang on let me ask him) *ahem he said something very inappropriate so nevermind scratch that I'll think of some myself, shit there really isn't anything else other than TV shows! Plus, he hates The OC, he falls asleep at Grey's, thinks Veronica Mars is stupid and he doesn't enjoy Weeds! True, these are "flimsy" shows but I so enjoy watching them. We have different ideas on how someone should be when in a relationship but yet we agree on what a relationship should be based on. Like I would get slightly upset if he were to speak to one of his exes and not tell me about it but when I tell him about my conversations with my exes he's like "Oh really?" and goes back to what he's doing. Damn it. Why can't he be more insecure and jealous :(

I am too much of a sure thing. But then again, so is he :)
I've had my sister tell me, a week ago, that if she were to reach a point in a relationship where she'd know she would be ready for a long-term one, it would be when she's me and her partner Ham. *gulp. And that she thinks its wonderful how we fight and "unfight" ourselves. First mature thing my sister ever said to me! And that's why I tell her everything and she's one of my bestest friends even though she's a lazy bitch who scores straight As in all her exams.

Woof woof

Cassie looks weird cause daddyHam had her fringe cut off, or you know the area in between her eyes above her nose. She looks like Whoopi Goldberg without eyebrows.
We put boxes around the room and computer table to stop them from chewing on our computer cables.
Teeny weeny!

And I will flail under these lights

My pups are waking me every 3 hours. I should learn to ignore them but their eager faces and antsy scrambling at my bedside... They are just irresistable.

And once in a while, at times much like now I can't fall back asleep so here I am.

It's ten in the morning. Ham and I have been "marathoning" Rome for the past few nights sleeping at 8am and we're done with Season 1 and halfway through Season 2 where we're back to the part where we have to wait and download each following episode. Woe. Good stuff.

When they're naughty I feel like smacking them sometimes because my incessant Nos obviously does not scare them. But when Ham rises and I stand beside him they both stare back and forth at us. Like its Wimbledon. Ha. The husky is unquestionably not afraid of me. She's like a cow gallivanting (yes she's a dignified cow) around the room trying to trip me or shove Cassie into a corner. I feel like renaming her to Ah Goo.

We bought a cane. Not to hit them but to make a realy loud "whoop" when we hit the bed to scare them. It has stopped working. They are puppies and I really do want them to behave like puppies, get up to no good, make a whole lot of noise but it gets to me when they start breaking things and ripping my books into pieces. Yes, Sigmund Freud was all over the room. I put things that are a danger to them away but they are destroying things that would result in a danger to them.

I get angry I yell and they look sad for a few moments before everything goes back to normal. Havoc. But I'm loving every minute of it.

Mommy said sit!

And they did.

Caeley

Connie was walking around today. The beauty of natural births.

the unexamined life...well you know the rest.

I think real life doesn't begin until you've created life. Rare indeed is a person whose views never change throughout her life and I think in this case I have never changed my mind. I don't know where it began but I can't remember a time I didn't feel this way.

I have had a quiet few months these months. Months full of reflection, of betterment and shifts to affirm accountability. Ham has brought out a side in me that is docile and cool. For the first time ever I can experience calm during a hurricane. There is no need for me to shout to get my point across, there is no need for yelling and no need to damage the things around us. He's made me understand that.

I've felt that kind of love that was so intense and exciting that it interfered with sleep and appetite. But love has now well changed I would say to something deeper and mroe comfortable. It's not only based on feeling but its based on will, on putting greater importance on the things that make us us than just what is oneself.

I have learnt to seek the happiness of others before my own. However my version of happiness and ambition disappoints a fair few. My lack of concern over the $$$ appears to be very unrealistic. But here see I am realistic enough to be content with the dream I'm living than to be chasing another.

Here's an excerpt from one of my favourite favourite writers, Mr. CS Lewis:
"Indeed the best thing about happiness itself is that is liberates you from thinking about happiness- as the greatest pleasure that money can give us is to make it unnecessary to think about money..."

Mother's day.

I didn't spend Mother's day with my mom for the first time in my whole life this year.

I was going to, but was told she was busy and won't be around.
But LAST MINUTE, my family decided to do something with her without even informing me beforehand! I had to find out by calling them. SO HURT. But it's okay I'll make it up to Ma. Last year I got her helium balloons. This year I'll probably get her..more helium balloons. Since the whole family (well except for Pa) likes them harhar.

So we thought Connie would deliver her baby girl on Mother's day but it turned out we miscalculated and she has a quick birth in less than 3 hours in the labour room at dawn the next day to beautiful baby Caeley. I helped choose the name! Connie was gonna go with Ambelle but I talked her out of it :P

Connie gave birth to a 2.83kgs baby Caeley the natural way without an epidural. Now I really salute her. I hope to go through the exact same thing sometime soon. You know I've sat and spoken to girls who are moms and girls who are successful. Actually I shouldn't say successful because I think my perception of success is very different to most girls. Only other girl that has the same dreams as I is my sister Joyce. Okay anyway, both girls has experience I definitely don't have but I really have to say the girls who are moms, are way more worldly and sage than "successful" girls are. I mean yes you can carry on intellectual conversations, and have seen these parts of the world and yet, there is something missing. It'd be impossible to pin-point just what but something essential to life is missing.

I couldn't get a picture of baby Caeley with her eyes properly open. She kept opening and closing them. Haha it was like a race to get an open eyed picture! Man she really looks like Victor in this picture. But when her eyes are open she has her mommy's big eyes with very prominent double eyelids.

I remember how Connie's contractions were 4 minutes apart and she sat with us smiling and chatting. Though I could see beads of sweat on her forehead. Wonder woman!

Sigh its taking me so long to load the pictures. They keep timing out.

Ooh here's one. Her goddaddy Ham is playing with her :D

!!!

Connie is in labour! She's delivering in less than 6 hours.
Ham's goddaughter will be born soon I'm so freaking excited!
We were just choosing names and now she's on her way!

!!!!!!!!

Good eye sniper. I'll shoot, you run.

The busier I am it seems I write here more.

I NEED a camera. I see sooo many photo ops when my pups are around. Their bitch fights should be recorded. Cassie has been tired of being sat on and nipped by Mac so she's fighting back hardcore. Ham and I would make a giant bowl of cereal (when I say giant we usually finish the whole box in one sitting), sit on the floor and watch them. Cassie charges at Mac full force and bites her face her feet everything! But because she knows she's smaller she hides half her body under the bed and stretches out to bite Mac who's waiting on the outside. But if Mac walks away Cassie comes out from under the bed and attacks Mac! She even made Mac cry a few times. I used to watch in horror but now I'm quite used to it and only stop them when they get too aggresive. <3 My pups are my escape hatch and a destination in itself. This has really sneaked up on me. My love for them brought something up inside me, woke something up.

Oh I've never wanted a camera more badly than this. Every moment passes and I cringe at the wasted opportunity to snap a picture. They are only pups once! Does anyone know how I can obtain a camera for free? Please please please I'll sell my.. well, I don't have much to begin with so scratch that.

I re-read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince for the 6th time yesterday to Ham's dismay as I had a presentation this morning :D
I can't wait for the next one Daddy's already booked it for me!

Annoying classmates. Well they're not mine but its a combined class and I have not met a more irritating bunch. My classmates and I were studying in class and this group was idiotically playing songs from their handphones. Like two of them simultanouesly! The range of music was killing me. There was that stupid pop Take your hands off my girl song and there was that "hey hey girlfriend shit" that I bet is the International Official Cheerleading some or something. Made me feel like stabbing the next girl I see in pink. And they'd be singing along changing songs every 30 seconds. If I hear "when darkkknesss turns to light" one more time I'd morph into a serial killer.

My classmates and I were SO annoyed. The four of us were rolling our eyes at each other when one of us, well his phone rang and it was that same hey hey something girlfriend song and my other classmate exclaimed "Hakim! Oh my god what kind of song is that! No shame ah!". The other group turned to us and one of them said "Hey thats an insult, we were just singing to that song." My classmate gave him, yes HIM, a VERY patronizing smile. I like her lah.

Sometimes love grabs you by the throat and makes you do things you wouldn't have done in its absence. It's very odd and nonlinear and organic. Yet its very real.

For now, I am real.

Retract the footsteps that brought us to this favor

You'd think I'm a dog-lover by now. When we are at pet stores or out with Cassie other dog owners come up to me and chat about their dogs and etc. It's like being a parent! It's a club! But when I see other dogs I'm just ho-hum still. They don't interest me one bit. Weird.

The other day we were at Low Yat with Victor and Connie and I was carrying Cassie in my arms because we left her in the car for a while but I was fretting the whole time worrying so I went down and played with her in the car when I realized, all the money was with me soI went back up. After an hour I said to Connie, "My arms quite tired la." Connie, who is 8 months plus pregnant said, "Wait till you have this." :) I CAN'T WAIT I TELL YOU.

So Cassidy and Mackenzie are getting along better now. Smelling each others erm "put-puts" and their daddy calls it. Ham is quite the loving parent, he too now wakes up at 7am to play with them. But right now it's almost 7pm and all three of my babies are napping soundly.

Cassie got her first jab today. Ham and I were super chickenshit during the shot. I was going "Ok you hold her, I can't watch." While he, was cowering behind my bag going "No I don't want to see her in pain." But in the end we both held her. She only yelped two small yelps. We were expecting a long cry because when Mac pounces on her and bites her her howls are SO SAD. The other day Mac pounced on her and bit her and some of her fur came off! I saw it floating in the air where she was before she ran and hid under the bed. I literally felt my heart constrict. Then Mac got a big bad scolding from daddyHam and he hit her on her backside! I WAS SO SAD FOR BOTH OF THEM.

You know it seems like we're playing favourites with them because Ham and I are both very protective of Cassie but its only natural because she's so much smaller (although she thinks she's the gang leader). Plus Mac is said to have a killer instinct with smaller animals so that definitely needs to be harnessed! Ham hates it when I clap and kill mostikos hehe so as a result, i get mozzie bites all over me. So he definitely plans on curbing her killer instinct. You know Siberian Huskies can kill sheep? But so far Mac is harmless, I think she thinks I'm another puppy. She follows me everywhere and jumps all over me. But when she's with Ham, she always walks behind him and immediately sits when he stares at her. Hmph. If I stare at her she'd just jump at me. AT me you know.

It's adorable though the way Mac sits when Ham stares but then she'd roll over on her back and act cute with him, slapping her paws in his direction. Although the other day I was really upset with Mac because we put food in her bowl and Cassie went over to have a bite and instead got bitten by Mac! Ham gave her another scolding and told her that if she didn't want to share, she's not gonna have any food! So we took away her food for..5 minutes.

Last night Cassie was sleeping under our couch downstairs when Mac squeezed in. Then I heard yelping. I went "Babe! Get them out!" and he said to let them play. Then I heard a more alarmed yelping and I went into a frenzy and started hitting the couch going "BABE!!! GET HER OUT!!" Then I looked under the couch at them and it was actually Mac stuck and Cassie sort of laughing at her -_- Sigh fail as a mom.

Cassidy can now do Up, Sit, and Hand. She also comes very quickly when she's called and IF she's in the mood to layan you. Ham has concluded that she's super cunning. But she knows how to melt your heart. She can even do the peekaboo! We took her out for Uncle Arthur's birthday last night and she was so well-behaved..that is until Auntie Melanie held her.

Mac can erm only Sit so far. Huskies are hard to train and she's still a pup. 8 weeks old. She wants to be carried around ok!

Sigh I'm bored. Cassie, Mac and daddyHam are all sleeping. But I'm appreciating the peace and quiet. And the fact that there won't be pee and shit to clean up for a while. They both know to shit and pee in the toilet but sometimes they go right outside the toilet door. I feel like waking one of them up to teman me. Hm who to pick who to pick.

(For the first time ever I really wish I have a nice digital camera, so I can take better pictures of them. After all, they are only pups once! It's the best time for pics :( Someone buy me one?)
And now I can't post any pictures because blogger is on the rag.

;)

Scarlett Johansson is really talented. Saw her latest Woody Allen movie Scoop with Hugh Jackman and I loved it!

We've changed Cassidy and Mac's names to Lansi and KuaiLan temporarily.

Darling Duo.

Cassidy is so cute! For now, I'm calling the husky Mackenzie even though Ham doesn't like it. It's Mac for short. Cassie goes up to Mac and tries to play with her, biting and tumbling. But when Mac strikes back and bit, yes she bit Cassie *cries* she runs away. But 5 minutes later Cassie goes to disturb Mac again. SIGH. I watch half in terror and my heart racing. But Ham insists they need to get along and socialize. In the pictures, after Cassie howled after getting bitten, she goes up to Mac while she's sleeping and bites on her tail her ear. Never learn this busybody.

Cassidy is the cutest dog in the world!!

Today!

We collect our Husky today!
In a couple of hours I can't wait!
I hope Cassidy gets along with her new younger baby sister.

my daily bread
ray says:
im sitting in the libarry wondering why they cataloged the books on topics about gynaecology and mechanical engineering under the same shelf..
Stella says:
maybe this library is meant for men

oh and this is too cute